


Mistakes that Can't Be Erased

by tensfruitphobia



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, STRAP IN IT'S A VERY SLOW BURN, Slow Burn, curious johnny, everyone just wants to help :D, i've been watching too many kdramas :4 ), johnny is confused and wants to know more of ten, reserved ten, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:48:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15039008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tensfruitphobia/pseuds/tensfruitphobia
Summary: With Ten's past catching up to him, he faces the person who betrayed him at a time he needed him most. Reminding him of his past regrets and mistakes, he relapses. What is Johnny to do?super slow burn, but a happy ending.TITLE WAS ONCE - THINNING WALLS (name was momochiko)





	1. Who is he?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is my first fan fic, so please treat it kindly ; ^ ;  
> English is not my first language, but I really poured my heart out to write this story. So I hope you enjoy it ^ - ^  
> Oh and the name of the setting is a real city name in Korea. But it's just a name it's not really, Gyeongju sorry ; - ;
> 
>  
> 
> This is for a person who I do not know well of, but I hope they are better.

New waves of students fill the grand buildings with excited expressions twisted with confusion. Heads bobbing up and down from the printed paper they hold tightly in their hands to screwed plastic numbers on the white walls. Like ants, ushered by curiosity,they skuttle, scouring through every corridor of their new home. 

This new dwelling wasn’t something to gibe at, it was an accommodation to a prestigious university, so it was accustomed to luxurious needs of the affluent students. Although it it isn’t baroque, it’s a contemporary building that excels in functionality as well as its modern architecture, dashing with simplistic aesthetics. Large windows exposed the impressive view of coastal line of Gyeongju with the snow like sand and the glittering waters.

In each room boxes stack upon each other, as luggage is sloppily layed on the floor, overflowing with belongings. Students gingerly place furniture and decorations in their respected ares as others bid farewells to their family, sharing embraces, shedding tears, and radiating pride, as embark on a new chapter of their life of independence. 

This was all dejavu to a small latter who stood at a vending machine waiting for his tin of strong brew coffee to fall . Brushing his dark bangs away from his pale face, letting it  cling on his heavily pierced ears, he pushes his glasses to fit comfortable on the bridge of his nose. He examines his room number on the printed paper he held on his hand, G23.

 

* * *

 

 

Johnny’s flight was delayed, 5 hours late. There wasn’t even a damn interruption from weather, it was late August, the weather was a perfect! Irritated he stepped off the plane from the suffocating air in the cabins to the serene atmosphere of Gyeongju. Filling his lungs with the refreshing scent, he walks down the ramp to enter the airport carrying a stuffed backpack that clung on his shoulders. A smile spreads on his lips as the familiarity gives him a sense of nostalgia. 

The soles of his feets glide across the white tile floor as he walks towards the luggage collection. Numerous counts of luggage go around the carousel like machine as anticipating owners wait for theirs to appear. Luckily for Johnny his was the first one he sees. Effortlessly carrying the heavy baggage to gently land on the sturdy wheels he continues to the exit.

It seemed as if the  city was completely endorsed in the modern design, straying away from its traditional age-respected time. Johnny had noticed since he last visited at such a young age. But he was staying now. He hoped the internship he landed would help him jumpstart on this dream carrier. To become an author to a series he can call his. 

Lost in his thoughts he doesn’t hear someone asking for directions. It wasn’t until he was interrupted by his junior Mark, did he snap back to reality. “Johnny it’s great to see you” Mark pulls him into a gentle hug, following with a familiar handshake they reated years before. “But, you really gotta be aware of where you are, it’s like you’ve been on a cloud. You didn’t even realize those guys who were asking for your help.” Mark slowly points to the confused couple who stood beside each other next to their heavily packed luggage. “My bad.” Johnny apologizes, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck, but he finally walks to the pair with Mark by his side. 

“Hi, sorry I missed you earlier, I was just taking in everything. I didn’t even notice.” Johnny introduces himself with a light bow. 

“Oh it’s alright, we didn’t mean to impose. We were just looking for the bus drop off so we could head to Gyeongju University.” The male with red locks explains. The person partnering him had his back towards them and busily looked at the electronic map of the airport. 

Mark’s expressions perks up as he opens his mouth to say  “Oh we’re heading to there too, are you two students?” curiosity hinting in his words. 

“Yeah, we just stansfered from a university from California, we’ll be sophores this year. I’m Taeyong.” a slender arm reaches out to shake Johnny and Mark. The two confidently introduce themselves. “I’m Young Ho, you can call me Johnny, I’m a sophomore as well” shaking Taeyong’s hard with a firm grip. 

Mark was about to reach for Taeyong’s hand, “I’m Mark, I’m a freshman though, nice to-” until the lad looking at the map abruptly turned to face the three, with wide eyes. He inspected the junior with a bright smile on his face. “Mark!” he exclaimed enthusiastically quickly walking to him to pull him into an embrace. “Jaehyun, I haven’t seen you in years!”  Mark excitedly exclaimed. “Four years!” They met in an embrace as if they jumped for joy. Johnny and Taeyong looked at each other with a mutual expression of surprise. What were the odds? 

“We’re about to drive by the university right now, we could offer you guys a ride if you want” Mark said enthusiastically. They had a lot to catch up on.

 

* * *

 

 

They drove on a road that displayed a spectacular ocean view with scattered ships on the horizon line. Seated in Mark’s car the four spoke among each other. Jaehyun and Taeyong both sat next to each other on the back seat as Johnny seats in the passenger seat with Mark driving. Everyone of their belongings were camped inside the trunk.  “Jaehyun, what did you do for the four years you were in California? Seems like such a long time,” Mark asked curiously as he held on the steering wheel. 

“Well it was pretty uneventful, I was pretty much dragged there. I think the only highlight was when I met Taeyong on my first day of highschool.” 

“How was that?”

“We started dating after a year of being friends, it’s been 3 years now. His family actually lives in Ulsan so we decided to transfer here, but my parents wanted to stay in the states.” He explains gently holding Taeyong’s hand in his. “Now, how are you and Haechan?” Jaehyun playfully says.

Mark smirked at the remark,”Nothing, nothing is going on, but we are roommates, surprisingly.Oh yeah, who are your guy’s roommates?” Mark questions.

Jaehyun’s face pans, “Some guy named Kim Doyoung, they didn’t follow my request to be Taeyong’s roommate.” he scoffs bitterly. Taeyong gently pats his hand, “We’ll see eachother often anyway, it’s the same school after all. I have Qian Kun as my roommate this year.” he says calmly. Jaehyun thins his lips and says,”Yeah, we have similar schedules too anyway.” A smile then crept on his lips.”What about you Johnny?” he asks.

“Oh, I accidentally deleted the file… so I need to ask the administration when I get there.” Johnny says wearily. 

 

* * *

 

 

Making their separate ways once arriving,  Johnny still had to walk to the administration office. Walking to the front desk he wearilly starts, “Hi I accidentally lost the digital file for my roommate assignment” The lady’s face turned to an irritated expression as she asked “Student ID?” Johnny pulls out a card out of his pocket only to clumsily drop it. Only for a small lad to step on it , Johnny abruptly panicked, it was his first week having it after opening  it was shipped to Chicago a month ago. The boy looked to see Johnny and raised his foot. He bowed over repeatedly with a sorry expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” His friend then playfully pushed his shoulder, “Nice, nice one Jeno.” He picked it up and reached out to give it to Johnny bowing again. 

“Hey it’s alright it’s just a name tag.” Johnny says calmly a little embarrassed about the youngster. He patted his shoulder and Jeno nodded, turning away with his friend playfully slinging his arm across his shoulders. “Not funny Jaemin. Why’d you punch me in the first place? We’re in a hurry to find Ten-hyung!” Jeno irritatedly explains as he trails away from Johnny.

_ Ten, what a weird name. _

Johnny sighed and cleaned the name tag my patting it onto his grey sweatpants and showed it to  the lady. After she input information, she explained “G23 it is in the West wing of the school. On the 7th floor and your roommate is . . er, Chi-Chit? You’ll meet him anyway. Your key will be distributed tonight at 8 p.m.” 

Johnny nodded and said thank you as he began to make his way through the crowded campus.

It seemed like people already finished unpacking as some lounged around in the cafes and masses of grass. And the sun was beginning to set  slowly creating an orange tint on the sky as the cotton cady like clouds began to turn pink. It complemented the many trees the decorated the campus. 

Making his way into the the west wing’s dormitory ,Johnny quickly found the room ,open. but he was shocked to see the actual room. It wasn’t like the  typical dorm he was accustomed to in Chicago, on his right was shared kitchen with updated appliances and shelving, accompanied with granite countertops, they had their own rooms, two doors separated from each other.  By the left of the door there was a small lounging space that resembled of a living room with a loveseat, a coffee table, and a tv. Awestruck, he expected one room with two twin beds in two corners of the room. “Wow, mom and dad really outdid themselves. This dorm is huge.” he said with a wide grin plastered on his face. 

He was guessing that his roommate was there, there was a coffee machine with assorted roasts of beans beside it as well as a selection of teas which rested on the granite of the kitchen counter. 

Johnny walks to the bedroom to the left, as it was unlocked. It revealed a fully furnished room. Some of the walls were decorated with some ambiguous drawings, some seemed to be dark and morbid but others were so ethereal and pleasing to the eye. A computer table was on the black left of the room beside the window, a desktop that revealed a digital drawing that seemed to be in progress. The drawing tablet was a black block on the wooden table, but there was a sketchbook and a cup of pens and pencils on the edge. The bed lay across the computer, beige sheeted with a white comforter with 3 matching fluff pillows. The night stand beside it had a picture frame that he couldn't completely see, as well as a small digital  alarm clock. There was also an empty easel whose legs were spread over a bland colored mat that protected the dark hardwood beneath it. There was a closet at the right of the door which was closed at the moment, but there was still a dresser beside the computer desk which had a plethora of art supplies shelved above it. 

“An art major I’m guessing,” he thinks curiously.

Johnny then walked to his empty room and unloaded his things. As he opened his luggage he heard the entrance door open slowly. He stood up thinking it was his roomate. As he walked out the room he sees a boy with a tin of strong brew coffee in his hands. Large, black, thinly framed glasses with a black cap, clothed in a red and black long sleeve with black fitted joggers.  Their eyes meet and Johnny introduces himself first. “Hi are you my roommate, I’m Jong Ho Seo, you can call me Johnny .” He reaches his hand out and the smaller latter slowly nods. But his just bows and says, 

“I’m Ten”

Johnny forces a smile and says, “Nice to meet you, Ten, I’m just going to finish packing up, would you join me for dinner tonight. It would be nice to know more about someone I’ll be living with for awhile.” 

“I actually have to finish unpacking, I’m sorry.”

“Maybe another time then” Johnny says biting the inside of his cheek. “Anyways I should finish unpacking too.” He turns his heel and walks back to his room as Ten does so as well. 

 

Johnny continues to unpack, but a thought repeats in his head. 

 

_ His room is already fully furnished. _

 

“Hope he’s not like that all the time, I guess.” he quietly says to himself.

 

* * *

 

 

“Good Morning” Johnny said with a croaky morning voice as he stretched his arms towards the ceiling. He looks up to see that he said it no one, the kitchen and living room was empty just like the day many days before.

For the last month.

A tinge of frustration follows him as we walks to the coffee maker to brew plain black coffee, just the way he liked it.  He signs as he places a capsule into the machine, and waits for the hot drink to trickle down. It was a quiet month in Johnny and Ten’s dorm. Ten seemed to be avoiding Johnny every chance he got, each time Johnny proposed a time to lounge he made an excuse like I don’t feel well, I have an exam, I have homework to finish, I’m not hungry which followed with a quiet sorry. Johnny took the hint after the second week, especially after one night he opened his window to hear quiet cries from the window beside him. He thought he was just homesick. Yeah just homesick. It wasn’t until he heard it again the next day and the days after. 

 

These damn walls were thinning by the day, or it just became a familiar sound... 

Johnny was afraid it was too personal to ask, so he never. However he wanted to change that, although he has tried before, knocking at his door to give him take out he brought. However it would just end up at the floor of the door, and it was always gone by midnight when Johnny walked out in the middle of the night for a cup of water. Johnny didn’t even know the guy’s major, but according to his observation of his room in the first day it was somewhere in the field of art and design. That’s all he really knew about the boy. Except for his heavily pierced ears and his liking of strong brew coffee.

However, Johnny wasn’t a pushover, he didn’t like being ignored by someone he’s supposed to live with for the rest of the school year. It was too awkward for him. Pushing it out of his mind, he follows his usual routine of a shower, blow dry, change, and brush teeth. Soon enough he left the dormitory with his backpack slung on his back which only held a small list of his essential supplies. 

He made his way to his psychology class with seven minutes to spare, earning him a comfortable spot near a window with a view of the beach which outlined the west side of the campus. He could get used to that view. There were beaches in Chicago, but it was rare for him to even visit because of the usually cold weather. 

After he admired the view from the window his eyes wandered to the other students, it has been a month, yet he isn’t familiar of any of their faces, then again he has only been here five times.  Once it came to time that class started people we seated and the professor started his lecture. It was about the structure and functions of the brain from the different lobes and their purpose. Every explanation seemed to have a study that tied to it, which was essential to the assignment they were assigninged at the end of the class.It was a partnered experiment to replicate any study that pervious psychologist have done. The professor explained that this was a warm up to the internal assessment that they would have to complete individually for their midterm. But all that Johnny cared about was the  _ partner _ aspect of the project. Again, he didn’t know anyone in the room. So it was a surprise to see someone stand in front of his desk at the end of class. 

“Hey, um do you have a partner for the assignment? I’m Kun Qian,  you’re my friend,Ten’s, roommate, no?” he reaches his hand out for formality. Johnny’s eyebrow cocks up recirocates to the introduction. He remembered that he was also Taeyong’s roommate from the first day that he and Taeyong met. But right now, he was more interested with his association with Ten “Nice to meet you. Yeah, I need a partner, thanks for introducing yourself, I didn’t want to be that awkward outcast.” Johnny said jokingly. Standing from his seat they begin to walk out of class together. 

“You said that you were friends with Ten, no?” 

Kun nodded, as Johnny continued.

“He’s quiet, he rarely speaks to me, let alone come face to face with me. I kind of want to establish something with they guy. You know? Since I’m kind of stuck with him for the rest of the school year?” Johnny chuckles abit as Kun’s lips curve to an awkward smile.

“Yeah it takes a lot to get close to the guy, took me a while too. I’ve been wanting him to open up a bit, but I didn’t know he’d do that to someone he’s living with.” Kun said with concern.

It was noon as they walked in the paved path of the courtyard, but it was a cool day as the delightful sea breeze wafted through the air.

“Do you know a way that I can get anything out of the guy? He’s been silent for so long.”

Kun nodded and said, “Well he takes a while to open up, but he should warm up sometime soon, it’s been a month no? I’ll try and change him mind.” Kun says reassuringly.

Johnny nods only for his head to be smacked but someone behind him.

“Johnnyy~” Mark calls him as Jaehyun and Taeyong following behind him. 

“You know you don’t have to do that everytime” Johnny irritatedly remarked.

“It’s funnn” Mark says playfully.

Taeyong and Kun greet each other once they realize each other's presence and Jaehyun even smiles widely for the boy. Mark had been familiar with Kun as well since their dorms were so close to each other, just three doors down actually, so easily he got closer to Taeyong too.

“Anyway, I have a class to get to at the other side of campus. I should get going.” Kun says quickly.

“Wait, what do you think you’ll do to change his mind?”

“Ah, yeah, I’ll think of something. Don’t worry about it. I’ll give you my number right now if I make any progress, and for assignment purposes,”

Johnny nods and hands  his phone to him to press his number. Kun bids a good bye to the small group and heads for the west side of the campus. 

“What was that about, changing someone’s mind?” Mark asks curiously. Such a curious cat.

“Oh, we’re trying to get my roommate to open up just a little bit. He’s extremely reserved for my taste.”

“Well you can’t really change how people are Johnny,” Jaehyun retorts.

“Yeah I know, but I’m sure I’ve only had about 3 conversations with him the whole month we’ve been roommates. I’ve made my attempts on initiating something, anything with the guy. But he’s locked in his room” 

The three infront of him make confused faces. 

“Who is this guy?” Jaehyun asks

“Uh, Ten, like the number” 

Jaehyun’s eye widen a bit, enough for Johnny to take note. 

“Do you know him or something?”

“Ten? Chittaphon?”

Taeyong’s face dropped as Johnny’s face made an expression of bewilderment. The name was odd, has he heard of it before? 

“I- I don’t even know his name” 

Just goes to show how much he knows about his roomate.

“Oh well that’s.. Nevermind that let’s go to the cafe” Jaehyun said uneasily.

They all began to walk together, Taeyong slowly following, as Johnny still stood confused, who the hell was that guy?

* * *

 

Johnny knew that he should respect the space of others, and this roommate was no exception. It was something that his parents had taught them in such a young age. However, he also didn’t understand why this guy’s bubble was so large that it only pushed him away. It was weird to saw too, because he didn’t even know the guy. His name was ,Ten, he _seemed_ like an art major who enjoyed a strong americano and tin coffee and teas, the same thing he knew this morning and the past month.

That reminded him, that was his first real conversation with him, when said that he could use the coffee machine as if it was his own, explaining how to use it step by step. He knew how it worked, he had the same model from Chicago, but he thought that times like this would be rare so he let him  continue. He just observed the boy. Ten always wore rimmed glasses, so he guessed they were real. He was much smaller than him, he didn’t have the broad shoulders like him, and he was lanky, it seemed like he rarely ate. His lips were so pale, there was barely a tinge of peach, but his eyes were so bright. They were one of the darkest brown eyes he’s seen, but they emited some kind of light. Ten’s sweater was awfully oversized, he had bear paws as he pressed the buttons on the machine. Johnny found it  kind of cute, he almost chuckled. It wasn’t until he noticed the knee brace which revealed under his loose basketball shorts did he realize something something was off. But Johnny had to admit, he was attractive to say the least. 

Afterwards he rarely sees his face again. Ten seems to always close the door everytime he opens his, and Teb returns to his classes when Johnny is finishing work in his room. Their schedules look to be the same, but they never collided. So it was obvious that he was avoiding him. 

He really hoped Kun would help him.

Then quickly recalls what happened today when Kun left. Jaehyun’s interest with this boy  _ Ten _ . 

As if in queue another notification pops up on his phone screen. It was from Taeyong. “Hi Johnny, Mark, Jaehyun, and I were going out for dinner at the dinner two streets down from the campus, would you like to join us? We’re meeting near the entrance of the main library in 10 minutes” he replies with a simple text,“Of course.”

Johnny stands from the tall stool of the island in the kitchen and changes out of his house wear to something more comfortable for the cool autumn weather. Finally making his was to the library.

Once he arrives he sees Jaehyun and Mark were speaking to each other jokingly, however Taeyong with a long expression looked at his phone, as if he were ignoring everything around him. Nonetheless, the four all started walking together in the quiet yet populated streets as the black velvet sky hung over their heads. The leaves were starting to fall from the skinny trees along the sidewalk so the leaves quietly cracked under their feet. Street lights paved their path to the restaurant, as they passed occupied stores.

Walking together as a whole, Johnny saw that something was off about the couple. Everytime Jaehyun would try to crack a joke to Taeyong he would merely receive a blank expression and return sulking on his phone, and if Jaehyun tried to initiate on playful skinship he would be rejected, Tae would almost be slapping him away. However the tension wasn’t obvious as Jaehyun and Mark continued to make gratuitous jokes and puns about their current classes.  

 

* * *

 

 

They were seated in a diner that seemed to be filled with many other students from the university, but they had a booth that seemed to have some privacy as it was distant from the other students eating their grub. The decor screamed american retro with a hint of modern influence from the menu, furniture, and even the chef and waitress outfits, it was rare to find something so american influenced in a traditional Korean city, but Johnny and Jaehyun appreciate it. Slowly eating their food, the spoke about their classes. 

The air around Taeyong and Jaehyun was thick, it was as if the two were in separate worlds sitting next to each other. Taeyong still had his eyes staring at his phone, eyebrows stitched together as the three’s comedic attempts died off. Mark asked about the happening of their days, starting with Taeyong, which only earned him a short and blunt answer, “Classes were a drag, it could have been a lot better.” returning his eyes to his glowing screen. Jaehyun’s hand which was rested on the table visible for the other three to see clenched tightly. Mark made an odd face, with a hint of concern. “What about you Jaehyun?” 

“It was alright” only earning a scoff from Taeyong. There was obvious tension between the two and Mark wasn’t oblivious to it, neither was Johnny. 

“I just couldn’t take my mind off of-”

“Ten” Taeyong interrupted him an irritated expression painted on his face. “That boy has been driving you insane all day, ever since Johnny mentioned that he was his roomate” Jaehyun’s heart drops.

Johnny and Mark before very concerned as their eyes slightly widened as they sat across from the argument.

“I’m sorry Jaehyun , it’s just concerning. You’ve spoken about this boy before, but you’ve barely told me anything before.” Jaehyun but his lip which was visible to the trio as tears threatened to rim his eyes, so he laid his head down, pain panged his chest as he listened to his partner speak.

“When I ask you about him you just brush it off. All I know is that he was an old friend. But here you are, desperate to see they guy, it just makes me worried. It’s the only reason I asked Kun and Johnny to even come here to see who this guy really is to yo-”

Taeyong’s angered eyes softened as he saw a tear run down Jaehyun’s cheek. A bitter taste filled Taeyong’s mouth.

“Jae-Jaehyun, I’m sorry I-” Taeyong frantically apologize sympathising for the boy, choking back his words. 

Mark and Johnny were lost in the situation, but tried to make the best of their presence by pulling out tissue from the container that lay on the edge of the table.

“It’s fine” Jaehyun croaks out “I really didn’t mean to make it seem that way Tae” Eyes red and glassy he looks at his partner affectionately, resting his hand on his. Taeyong grew concerned and rested his other hand on his shoulder. “He really was my best friend, it’s just-” Jaehyun choked back

“We were separated at a crucial time in his life and I lost all contact of him when he needed my most. I thought that he was gone, I thought-” tears continued to pour down his cheeks. 

Taeyong pressed his lips together, guilt struck him as his gave a sincere apology. The two held each other in front of the  pair across from them. It was a cherished moment for the couple.

“We’ll give you two space” Johnny started as he stood from his seat, nudging Mark o do so as well. Taeyong nodded as they made their exit from the restaurant. 

Entering the cool air of the quiet streets Mark asked “Who is that guy?”

Igniting a flame of curiosity in Johnny.

“I really don’t know”

_ Yet.  _

Returning to his dorm earlier than he expected Johnny looked at the clock, 7:07. 

His roommate was still nowhere to be seen. 

Johnny rolled his eyes as he walked to his room. He collected his laptop to bring to the living room, he wasn’t missing a chance now. He was going to talk to the boy tonight.

 

Soon enough Johnny got the rusting of keys that he had been anticipating across the other side of the door. Johnny sat on the love seat living room watching a lecture from his laptop that his Psychology teacher recommended to watch to understand the past lesson in more dept. 

Once the door opened it revealed the familiar lanky boy, his eyes slowly connecting to Johnny’s amber ones. He bit his already chapped lips as he looked at his direction. “Hi, Johnny” 


	2. A Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mostly dialogue sorryyyyy, I wan't to properly introduce a character in this chapter ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~ I'm going to edit the 1st chapter because it has a few typos that are bothering me. But I hope you enjoy this chapter of new beginnings  
> I wrote this while crying to DAY6 so pls

“Hi Johnny” 

Ten enters the room gingerly as Johnny turn his head to his direction, attempting to lock eyes with his reserved roomate. However, his attempts fail as Ten’s eyes follow the skewing pattern of the wooden floor while his head rests down, only irritating Johnny even more. The boy who stood in front of him was a so nebulous, a mystery where Johnny didn’t know where to start. He certainly  didn’t want to be stuck in an ever changing maze, that he purposely trapped himself in for the sake of extinguishing the burn of curiosity that grew every time that his friends mentioned the boy. That wasn’t the only reason, no. He wants to know more about him because he will be his roommate for the rest of the year, might as well know the guy to keep things from being awkward. And, he was cute.

Ten made his way to his room only for Johnny to quickly block his path, making an  initiative that didn’t only Ten but Johnny himself. Ten’s slightly widened eyes, but finally look at Johnny's amber hues.  “Hey, it’s been a month, and I still know nothing about you. Can I atleast know something, talk to me for a little bit?” Johnny asks with a pleading face as his head tilts slightly to gesture to sit on the couch with him.

“Please”

Painted with an apprehensive expression Ten’s eyes travel all around the room. That was new. Johnny’s eyebrow cocks up a bit, “You alright, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable?” raising his arm to rest it on the boy’s shoulders, only for him to take a step backward to avoid the gratuitous skinship.

“I’m fi-fine, yeah I’ll talk. I just need to change and wind down a bit. I’ll be out in half an hour or so” Ten finally speaks out with a light smile on his lips, earning a mutual grin from Johnny.

Success. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Ten took a shower in their shared bathroom as Johnny continued to watch the instructive psychology video on his laptop, which was not placed on his lap as he sits, legs twisted like a pretzel on the edge of the couch. Thinking to himself he wonders,  _ What should I ask? Should I start with small things? Where are you from? You don’t look korean.. no that seems racist? Does it? Whatever, umm .. what are you majoring in? Something in art? Ha, totally didn’t know because I didn’t go snoop into your room on the first day I moved in. ..I sound like a creep, even in my damn mind. Well, I have to start with something… Why have you been avoiding me? _ Johnny instantly shook his head and clenched his teeth, instantly disapproving the thought that ran through his head.  _ Too forward. How’s college been? Your friend, Kun, is actually my psychology partner for an assignment, and he mentioned you. _ There. That sounds more realistic. 

After a quick forty minutes the bathroom door slowly creaked open to reveal Ten dressed in a purple long sleeve, so large the hem met the middle of his thigh, and the sleeves still had inches of cloth that passed his nimble fingers. The front of the shirt was tucked in loose black basketball shorts, and he still wore the familiar knee brace Johnny saw the first time he  _ examined  _ the boy. His long back hair was still wet from his shower, so a fluffy white towel rests on his shoulders to keep the water from dripping on his oversized shirt. As he walked out he gently placed his glasses to rest on the bridge of his nose, pushing the edges of the frames with his large sweater paws. 

Damn it he really is cute. 

Slowly making his way to the couch he finally sits at the single seater adjacent to the love seat where Johnny was resting. A smile unconsciously spread on Johnny’s lips. Ten was a sight to see. “What did you want to know? Hmm?” Ten asks as he pulled his legs close to his torso. He was already so small, tucking himself in like that only made it looked like the single seater was engulfing him. 

“Well first of all, how are you? Being in college and all?” Johnny replied confidently with a kind smile and gentle eyes.

“It’s been going a lot better than I thought it would go. I guess I just anticipated it to be something so much more for the entirety of summer.” Ten said meeting eyes with Johnny. “How about you?” raising his arm to gesture.

“Well school is ok, pretty good actually. Your friend, Kun, is my partner for a psychology assignment. As for the “experience” in general.I feel like I should change something about this” making an odd gesture by flailing his arms around him,”I mean the fact that we don’t even speak to each other when we’re living together.”

Ten bit the inside of ihs cheek, “A-ah sorry about that,”he looked down on his lap again.

“Hey, don’t worry” Johnny said resting his laptop back on the coffee table,“Might as well change it now, instead of looking back before, right?” 

“Yeah of course,”

“So, what’s your real name?” Johnny asks curiously, pursing his lips comically.  _ Jaehyun said Chittaphon no? Is he Chittaphon?  _ “I’m guessing Ten is just a nickname?”

“It’s a name that’s pretty hard to pronounce,”

“I’ll try”

“My legal name is Chittaphon Leechiayapornkul” wich earned a face of bewilderment from Johnny. Not only because of the surprising tongue twisted, but the fact that this was the boy that Jaehyun mentioned.  _ Chittaphon _ . Ten giggled, “I get that a lot” 

_ Who is this guy? _

“Who are you anyway?” Johnny said lost in thought, as the words unconsciously escaped his lips.

Ten made an odd face but continued to explain,“Oh, well, I moved here 9 years ago from Bangkok, Thailand, and I attended the high school that’s just down the road from this street. Did you? You don’t seem like a familiar face.

“Ah, well no, I’m actually from Chicago, I was born there. I just attended this school because it was close to the internship I landed”

“Wow, congrats. What’s the internship?”

“Well it was kind of given to me. My father has a good friend that lives here and he’s an author for a well known poetry anthology series.  _ A Spine that Carries a Million Sto-”  _

“By Lee Taemin?” Ten asked, it was his turn to be surprised. “You’re going to work for Lee Taemin?”

Johnny chuckled, “Yeah, are you a fan of his work?”

“Yes, I have two of the books in his series in my bookshelf right now actually”

“Ah what’s your favorite poem?Hm?”

“ Taraxacum” he said smiling, as almost covers his mouth with his large sleeves. 

“Ah, the act of letting go to allow yourself to grow hm? That’s actually my favorite as well, sometimes I wish it was that easy”

“Yeah, so do I” Ten replies with a bitter sweet smile. “Well I really hope you enjoy this internship.”

“So do I. What brought you here hm? In Korea” 

It only leaves Johnny with a Ten who looked down in his lap yet again. “You might know soon enough. Wh-what’s your major hm, I’m guessing something in the college of liberal studies?”

Johnny nods. The air was comfortable again, it wasn’t the usual suffocating feeling that rested between the two boys. This was a nice change. This will be a fun night..  
  


* * *

 

 

“Did you tell Ten about opening up or something?I got to know a bit more about him last night. It was pretty fun actually” Johnny said leisurely pacing through the pages of the textbook. Kun’s head rose from his notebook with a puzzled expression. “He really did that? I didn’t mention anything to him. I don’t have class with him until today, I was going to tell him then.”

“Ah well I guess I hooked him in when I started talking about Lee Taemin’s work” Johnny replied. 

“Yeah Ten has been obsessed with his poetry for a while. A series of artworks Ten made were all inspired by Taemin’s poetry, I guess Ten just really relates to his writing.” Kun said fondly, smiling at the memories of the times Ten shared his artwork with Kun.

“I wonder what his art looks like,” Johnny taps his pen on the table as he thinks of the differents styles the boy would dabble on. “Is it abstract? Taemin’s work is pretty ambiguous sometimes”

Kun laughs, “Ten hates creating abstract art, it’s too  _ loose  _ for his liking. He’s more into umm . . ethereal.. Surrealism? It’s hard to explain really. You should ask to see his work, it’s very stunning” 

“I hope to soon”

Kun looked at a text message he just recieved from Ten, asking him if he wanted to go to the school cafe with him. This gave Kun one hell of a bright idea “Hey are you free after this class?” he says

“Yeah for about 2 hours then I have class again”

“Want to join Ten and me for lunch?”

“Of course”

“We’re just going to the cafe near the library, he really likes their Americanos”  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Kun and Johnny sat across from each other, in a small booth next to the transparent glass wall of the cafe. The ambiance was so rusticly modern, decorated with hanging lights in each booth as well the taller seaters near the entrance. Hanging plants were a pattern that filled the cafe was well, as some cascaded down to the floor like a waterfall from the bookshelves that stored decorative books and succulents. However the appearance of the cafe was nowhere as pleasing as the aroma that wafted in and out of the room, it was a sweet, nutty smell with a bitter undertone. 

“He should be here soon, his class ended fifteen minutes ago” Kun said looking at his watch.

“Can I ask a question, if it’s not too personal?”

“Of course”

“How did you and Ten meet exactly, and how do you keep up with a guy that’s so quiet”

Kun chuckled a bit, “I’ll just say it straight up to you. I didn’t expect it to happen at all, and I didn’t expect to lead to anything as well. But, he’s been a great friend to me, and I hope he will be to you to.” Kun looks at Johnny assuringly, “Anyway, I met him 4 years ago freshman of high school. We both had to stay after school because of completely different obligations. He was a dancer then, practicing in the dance room near the gym. I had to finish a report in the computer lab which was next door, because the wifi in my house didn’t work. When I was just about to leave, I heard someone crying in the practice room. It was Ten and he was in the floor holding his left knee in pain, I remember I heard him say ‘Why can’t I do it..” so many times” He looked down at his thumbs which rubbed the side of his index finger, his voice sounded more somber ”Anyway I helped him from there, brought him to the school infirmary which luckily still had the nurse, even if it was so late that day. Our friendship spiraled from there. He opened up after an incident happened with my family. We connected through it I guess…” Kun bit the insides of his cheeks hard, ”he quit dancing, unfortunately, his leg’s pain was just too much to bare after a couple of years. It’s a shame, he really was a great dancer..”

“I see the knee brace on him when we’re at the dorms” Johnny says softly.

Kun nods, “It’s just chronic pain now. I didn’t mean to dampen the mood, but it’s just ah that boy, is a special one. It takes a lot to get to know him but It’s worth it” his expression softens to a smile.

“I’ll do my best to do so” Johnny says with a bright expression

The moment was interrupted with another notification from Kun’s phone

“He says he’s near the entrance, he just took a while because he met up with Jeno on the way”

“Jeno?”

“Oh he’s a freshman, he’s like Ten’s little brother. Not literally, but they treat each other that way. They’ve known each other long before I knew Ten. But Jeno is painfully shy.”

Johnny nods. “Ah well-”

“Kun-hyung”A voice said from the entrance of the cafe.

Jeno’s smiley eyes greeted Kun with a warm feeling as he waved. Ten followed behind Jeno quickly as they made their way into the booth. Once they were seated, Johnny recognized the youngest boy.

“Hey, you’re the kid that stepped on my ID card on the first day,”

Jeno’s cheeks flushed, “Ah sorry about that, I was in a hurry to find Ten-hyung that day”

“No worries, no damage was done,” Johnny says as pull out his card from his wallet, barely scratched. “Anyways, hello, it’s nice to finally formally meet you Jeno”

“Nice to meet you too” 

Johnny nods, “Should we order?” he says as he looks at Ten kindly.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter ~ take care


	3. A Cup of Americano

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HAPPY LATE FOURTH OF JULY IF YOU GUYS CELEBRATE THAT  
> I hope you like this chapter, it's mostly about Johnny finding out a but more about Ten.  
> ya know little clues

Johnny sat next to Jeno as Ten and Kun sat across from them. The wall of glass beside their small booth allowed the dull luminescence of the afternoon gloom to fill the cafe with a soft cool light. It was a perfect pair for the warm beverages they held in their hands. Speaking tenderly with each other as ,Jeno, soft spoken with smiley eyes, sipped his sweet hot chocolate. 

 

The three had a comfortable air among each other, mostly moping about some of the subjects that they were taking this year. How some were just too hard to understand and some were just flat out boring. Kun, who was scrolling through his phone to look for a certain restaurant spoke to the boys, still making eye contact when necessary.

 

“There’s a new sushi place that opened a couple streets down campus. Do you want to guys want to go tomorrow night? That means you too Johnny.” Kun smiled at the boy as Johnny’s head rose up from his americano, “The hype for the opening has died down so, it shouldn’t be too crowded. Plus I just landed a new job, so my treat.” Kun said as he took his first sips of his cappuccino.

 

“Oh, congrats Kun-hyung” Ten said smiling as he rests his hands to playfully tug on the cloth of Kun’s sleeve. “What’s your new job?”

 

“It’s at that art supply warehouse that you like to go to. Last time we went for your required supplies I saw a “hiring” sign, so I took the chance. That also mean discounts I can give you.” Kun told Ten jokingly winking at him as they start to laugh.

 

The two had a brotherly love that was obviously mutual with the two boys, caring for each other's well beings, spending hours on hours playfully commenting about the complex happenings of life, and of course respecting each other as individuals, yet regard each other with a link. It was a friendship that brought a smile to both of their faces, genuine ones, where they didn’t have to pretend. Of course they had their share of friends, very close ones like Jeno and Doyoung, but the bond that resonates between these two boys made them inseparable, sewn together through hardships they aided each other through.

 

Johnny notices this from a far, not enough to know how this friendship was made, but he sees the true bond they shared. In the few times he sees Ten, he always seemed reserved, sometimes uncomfortable. Well, a lot of the time really. He’s seen him outside of the dorm, but he’s usually together with the one that sits next to him now, comfortable with his presence. However, if he was ever alone he would look dazed, looking at the floor, his phone, anything in the room, like he was always wondering where else he would be, anywhere but where he was then. But around Kun there was always a place for him be. 

 

This makes Johnny remember a night that he wanted to erase from his head. He could hear Ten crying so late at night, a series of muffled hiccups had woken Johnny up as he slept in his room. It was louder than last night, but it usually didn’t last this long. He would be asleep by now. Usually Ten would be quiet, almost silent, but Johnny, somehow, could always hear him. Faint sounds that would escape Ten’s room and crawl into his, for him to listen. However, Johnny would only feel useless. He would stare blankly at the alarm clock that was set on his night stand to look at the numbers slowly change, which felt like an eternity as guilt burned through him. 1:27...It was as if he were engulfed in a cold sweat, yet his body was boiling. Ripping the blanket away from his Johnny tried to think, and think hard. It was as if it was a routine for this boy to cry his eyes out every night. What the hell was wrong with him? Did he do it to make Johnny guilty? Just to irritate Johnny?

 

Johnny was nowhere near irritated, he was concerned. His restrainment from the boy made him weak, as his body felt desperate to step out of his bed and enter the other room. But he couldn’t.He couldn’t do anything then. He couldn’t do anything before. He didn’t want to push the boy to say anything he doesn't want to say. He didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know the boy. All Johnny could do was lay still as his ears were flooded with helpless cries. 

 

Only when he heard the boy’s broken voice say “Thank you, Kun. I-I’m sorry this had to happen again”did his sobs die down. But it only tore Johnny apart even more. He thought if it was pity. Why feel pity? It was just worry for someone, someone he barely knew. 

 

Johnny’s feelings were so vague towards the boy. He didn’t hate him for ignoring him, but he didn’t have anything to love about the boy, because he knew so little. It was as if he just appreciated him? Was that it? Was that why there was a small tingle of warmth when Ten looks at him? 

 

Whatever it was Johnny pushed it aside, for now.

“I’ll pay for myself, thank you for the offer Kun,” Johnny says after he has snapped out of his quick observation, Ten was still smiling at Kun with gentle eyes. 

 

“Hey, Ten-hyung do you have class after this?” Jeno asks meeting eyes with the pale boy

 

“Ah yeah, Kun and I have economics next. Do you? I still don’t remember your schedule too well”

 

“No, I was going to ask if you could help my in my intro to psych class”Jeno said with a slight pout

 

Johnny starts smiling at Jeno , “I take psychology too, and I’m free. Would you like my help?”

 

Jeno gasps, “Please, I have an exam next week and I don’t even know what the hippocampus is!”

 

“The hippocampus is where new memories are formed” Johnny says confidently and Kun nods in approval. “I’d be happy to help, do you just want to stay here to study?”

 

Ten looked at Johnny with a small smile to say thank you, earning him a smirk from the tall latter. “Speaking of class, we should get going Kun” Ten says, pulling on the boys sleeve as Kun nods in response. They stand from their seat to make their way to the side of the table to bid a goodbye to the two sitting boys. “Take care Jeno, Johnny.” Ten and Kun both say as they leave waving goodbye.

 

“They seem really close” Johnny’s words escape his lips without thinking.

 

Jeno smiled again, as if it were possible, “Yeah Ten-hyung and Kun-hyun are friends for the longest time”

 

“Just seems hard to get close to Ten,”

 

“Yeah, it takes a bit. But I think he’s worth to get knowing, and understanding.” Jeno says

 

_ Again, it’s worth it to get to know him. _

 

“A-ah do you think you can help me right now? I have my textbook and a few notes”

 

Johnny nodded.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


“You sure you don’t have class today?I know psych is important but so are your other classes,” Johnny asked Jeno. They had been sitting in the same seat for 2 hours now, exploring the different lobes of the brain with their functions, what would happen if they were gone, ect. It was a bit odd that they had only ordered one drink for each of them for the entire time they were there, especially with the small line forming at the door.

 

“Ah, sorry. Yeah I don’t have class. I just really enjoyed the way that you taught me the terms. It’s a lot more interesting that the way that Professor Nim teaches it.” Jeno chuckles. “I guess we should take a break, I don’t have the exam until next week anyway. Thank you so much.”

 

Jeno reaches for his belongings to pack his stuff, “It was nice meeting yo-”

 

Johnny interrupts, “Hey, do you think we can talk just a bit longer? Just about Ten, the guy- sometimes, he well-.”

 

It was Jeno’s turn to cut in, “Worries you?”

 

Johnny's eyebrows furrowed together, “Y-yea”

 

Jeno nodded, “Yeah I know. Lets’ just not talk here.” Once Jeno finished packing his belongings, he walks out of the booth as Johnny followed closely behind. Quickly they walk out of the restaurant, yet Jeno still doesn't say a word.  His face looked confused? It was as if he was thinking of the right words to say, to know what not to say and what he  _ can _ say. Giving him time, Johnny follows the younger like a shadow past the skinny trees that  give shade to the pockets of students that shattered the campus. The leaves weren’t too green anymore, some were fading to a yellow hue because of the chilling temperatures. It was becoming Johnny’s favorite season, autumn. It was cold enough to stay inside with a warm blanket to wrap around you, but warm enough to go outside comfortably. He’s been wanting to do that all year,  _ preferably with someone _ .

 

Jeno’s words cut Johny out of his daze,“We-well Ten-hyung is complicated” Jeno stops at his tracks. He gestures Johnny yo sit in the patch of grass in front of the two boys, “I can’t say everything, because everything isn’t for me to say. It’s for him to do so. But I can tell you enoug- well what I think I can say at least..- sorry if I’m scatterbrained.  He’s a hard story to tell.” Both the boys sit down in the empty patch as Jeno sheds hi backpack and starts to pick on individual strands of grass.

 

“About 4 years ago, when Ten hyung and Kun hyung were already friends, we were all in boarding school, the one down the street from this campus. I didn’t know them until one day I decided to play soccer with Yuta-hyung and I well. Let’s just say I’m not very good at soccer, I broke my arm, it turned out to be pretty serious” Jeno’s hard started rubbing his left elbow as he continued. “Well, I was sent to the emergency room by Doyoung-hyung, he was so mad then.”he chuckles, “When I was sent to the ER it was pretty hectic, Ten hyun was there- he was.. sick at the time and he was being treated at the bed next to me. We were transported to a room together too, still laying next to each other in different beds. He was silent for most of the night we were there. It wasn’t until I said out of the blue ‘I’ve seen your performances in school. Last year at the spring festival when you created that traditional dance, it was beautiful.’ He said a quiet thank you, but it was as if something snapped in his head when I said that. He couldn’t dance like he used to because of the pain in his leg, and there were so- so many other things that he was pushing through, Ten-hyung, he’s been through so much, around that time. The one person he could trust just betrayed him and left. So he broke down in front of me, crying. All I could do that night was comfort him when I walked to his bed. It was an awkward hug at first, he was hiccuping and I was a stranger to him. Someone with a cast on his left arm, trying to hug him, you know. He calmed down after a long time of staying like that, I didn’t meet him in school until 3 weeks later. He said thank you, and things happened from there. I-I think his friends now, we all met him when he was broken, he’s getting a lot better now. To be honest I really feel like I shouldn’t have told you that.” He shakes his head looking down. “It’s just that I need you to know that you have to patient with Ten hyung, if you haven’t noticed”

 

“He’s still like that, every night actually..-”

 

“What do you mean”

 

“He still breaks down, it’s as if it’s every night I hear him.

 

“A-ah it’s around this time of year that it happened”

 

“What do you mean”

 

“That’s for Ten-hyung to say, I’m sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE NEXT CHAPTER SHOULD BE LONGER SO ANYWAY  
> have a great day and take care~


	4. The Kindness of Others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry i didn't update, I have an appointment that made me pretty overwhelmed in the beginning of the week. So I didn't write this until yesterday asdfkl sorry. I hope you enjoy, it's a Jaeyong chapter.

Taeyong and Jaehyun had spent most of the day together, taking their economics class,eating lunch , and waking throughout campus, side by side, yet there was a somber ambiance around the two. They were so close together, inches apart, yet they walked two different worlds, where they could see the other, but couldn’t say a word. In the entirety of the day Taeyong remembered what happened at the dinner last night, still clear in his mind.  The pang in his chest was persistent hour after hour, no matter how many times Jaehyun said that it was ok, that it was fine, guilt would still crawl up his back as he remembers his red, teary eyes.

 

He pushed him and it wasn’t the first time. He knew he hated talking about that boy, it was as if mentioning his name was poison. But Taeyong couldn’t help his suspicions and his fears to take over every time. 

 

Even now, as Taeyong sat next to his partner on the edge of Jaehyun’s bed, he can’t do anything but apologize. Jae’s expression was stoic, emotionless, yet it was choking back what it was trying to conceal. His eyes were hovering over the wooden floor, the only thing in sight, yet he sees everything in his head, recollecting what had happened before. There was a dull ray of light that shone through the small window of the room, the only source of light that was present, be Taeyong could still see his subdued expression.

 

Jaehyun rose his head to look at his partner’s worried face.“Taeyong” It was the first thing Jaehyun had said after what seemed like an eternity for the crimson haired boy. “You don’t have to stay here all day, I think I- I think I just need some time right now. I’m so sorry, I know it seems like I’m just over reacting. It was just- it’s wasn’t a just, it’s because I made a mistake that I can’t take back, and it’s followed me until now. So please, I just need to think, alone. I’m sorry” His voice was gentle yet there was a sense of strenness in his broken words, he was thinking all day and he took the chance of saying what his head has been telling him all day. Allowing his impulsivity to speak for him.

 

If it was possible for Taeyong’s expression to fall even more, it did, but he didn’t show it to the boy. He wanted what was best for him, and space was what he asked for, Although it tore his already bruised heart apart. But that’s what he’ll do. 

 

He forced a bitter sweet smile to appear on hi face, “Just text me when you’re okay” He walks up to Jaehyun to gently place a kiss on his forehead as Jaehyun wraps his arms around him to pull him into a tight embrace. Two broken pieces holding each other tight. 

 

“I’m really sorry for doing th-this” He stuttered out as he rested his head on Taeyong’s small shoulders. “I just really need it right now, I just need to think.”

 

Taeyong gently nods as he holds his tears back. “It’s ok, take care of yourself Jaehyun.” they stay in each other's embrace for a while longer saving the feeling for their time of absence. They would miss each other, but this was a for the best. Once they released, Taeyong pressed his lips before he started to slowly walk out of the bedroom door. He looks at Jaehyun who stood with a small smile on his face, but his glassy eyes said something else.Taeyong nodded a goodbye as he turned the knob to leave “I’ll see you soon, love.”

 

* * *

  
  


Jaehyun rested on his bed staring at the wall blankly, nothing had happened for the past hour, he had rested with a racing heart beat the burned in his chest has he lay still under his white comforter. His eyes were puffy from his series of tears that trailed down his cheeks since last night, for the only thing that filled his head was his mistake, one he,made years ago. One that continued to haunt him and finally caught up...It drilled in his head and rested in the center of his brain, too stubborn to crawl out, only for him to relive pain he felt before. He hated  it.

 

But he thought he deserved it.

 

~ 

 

A quiet knock fell on the door did Jaehyun snap back into reality, quickly wiping his tears with red cottoned sleeves and cleared his hoarse throat. 

 

It was Doyoung.

 

Holding a coupon for  buy one get one baozi at a local chinese restaurant. He was shuffled through his messenger bag to look for the damn slip of paper ever since he got out of class. 

 

“Hey, I noticed you were pretty down since last night, you even skipped breakfast. The one I made.” he didn’t wait for Jaehyun’s response to him knocking, he knew that Jaehyun was there laying in bed listening to him speak. “I was going to ask if you were up to have dinner at the chinese restaurant two streets from campus. My treat, I just want to help.”

 

_ Was he here when Taeyong and I...Am I just that obvious? _ Jaehyun thought to himself as he slowly rose from his bed rubbing his eyes with his balled hands. 

 

“You know staying alone in there won’t help you very much.” Doyoung adds. “And I don’t feel like eating 2 gigantic buns by myse-” Doyoung didn’t realize the innuendo slipped out of his mouth, but it caused him to chuckle just a bit. 

 

Jaehyun had cracked a small smile across the door, sitting on his bed.

 

“Maybe a new environment besides your room will help you think. A flashy chinese restaurant might just do the trick”Doyoung said jokingly. “Now, you should come out and join me.”

 

The two boys got close for the short month that they were roommates, taking turns ordering take out, help each other study when something was just too complicated, running morning jogs together, ect. Doyoung even slept on the floor of Jaehyun’s room, when a  student’s snoring was just too much to bear at the other side of his bedroom wall. And recently, Jaehyun payed for take out for the past three days so Doyoung thought this was the best way to repay him, especially after he say him return from his last dinner with such a hollow expression. 

 

Jaehyun heaved a heavy breathe shuffling out of his thick covers to get out of bed. “I’ll come out just give me a second to get ready.” He walks to his small dresser to grab a warm black coat as well as his black joggers  to change into and finally a pair of dark, dark sunglasses. Once he opens the door he earns a cock of an eyebrow from Doyoung. “Not really necessary,but ok” Doyoung pats his back pushing him away from his bedroom door and out the dormitory.

 

“So, mind if I ask what’s wrong?”Doyoung curiously said, with a concerned tone as he walked beside the younger. He didn’t want to make any assumptions with what was going on, he didn’t want the boy anymore uncomfortable than he already was. 

 

“I’ll tell you at the restaurant”

 

* * *

  
  


“Not exactly flashy, but it’s a new environment for you to think... Now,” Do young pulls a stool from the high table next to the glass window. “Sit and think while I order.”

 

Jaehyun nods as his sunglasses shifted on the bridge of his nose. “Those are pretty shitty sunglasses” Doyoung taunts. “Wait a second, this is why I’m always prepared.”  He places his stuffed messenger bag on the table to shuffle through his things, although they were already so organized. He pulls out a small bottle from a pocket of the bag. “These will make them less irritated and minimize the redness.” He hands the bottle of eye droplets to the boy as he gestures to the bathroom. “I’ll go order” he pulls his backpack back to his shoulders and walks to the cashier, ignoring Jaehyun’s protests.

 

Jaehyun holds the bottle in his hands as he scoffs at the older,  _ he’s too kind _ . Walking to the bathroom he gently pulls his sunglasses away from his face and turns the knob to open to the single room. There was a small mirror above the sink in front of him, where he sees himself, only for him to sigh. His eyes weren’t as dreadful as he expected but they were still red, his veins crawled from the sides of his eyes to his brown iris. Turning the faucet for cold water he collects the liquid in his hands to splash on his face.  _ Wake up _ .  _ He’s here. You brought yourself back, you know this would happen. You have to face him one day. _ The liquid was like ice against his skin, but it was what he needed, continuing to flush his eyes. Looking back up bullets of water trickled down his face as some splashed from before made and imprint on his coat. Shaking his head he look for paper, something to dry his face. There was toilet paper. Grunting he pulls his shirt to meet with his face to wipe away the liquid. He then turns his wrist to open the bottle of the eye droplets, tilting his head back. Using his right hand for each eye he gently squeezes the liquid out in droplets to land on his eye. They were soothing, like a breath of fresh air on the irritated eyes. He knew it would take awhile to truly get better so he sits on the closed toilet seat, just for the few minutes for the reaction to happen. Swiping through he notifications, there was one from Taeyong. 

 

‘I know you said to give you space, but you know all I want to do is help. I just want you to take care of yourself. Even before when I mentioned that guy you would just snap, something inside you would just change. I’m sorry I pushed it this time, I really didn’t mean to. Please take care Jae, I love you so much.’ 

 

Jaehyun loved Taeyong with every fiber of his being, so it hurt him to do this, but the boy was just testing his limit and if he were here now, he would ask too much, and he didn’t want him to know everything just yet.

 

That was sor another time. Soon enough.

 

He replies quickly  and closed his phone. Looking up to the ceiling he whispers to himself, “Why show up now, after so many years.” 

  
  
  


Doyoung placed their tray of food filled with 2 baozi, peeking duck, egg flower soup, and and two bowls of rice as he sits down across from Jaehyun on the wooden table. Jaehyun's eyes started reverting back to normal, they were barely pink now, placing the bottle on the table between them, Jaehyun thanks Doyoung for the kind gesture. “Why do you  carry those around?” he asks.

 

“My contacts irritate my eyes too much and emergencies” he smiles brightly as he places it back in his messenger bag. “Now you should eat and think, and maybe tell me what’s going on. If you are comfortable.”

 

Jaehyun replied with a small nod picking up this bun. “Well..” Jaehyun starts, “something from my past in coming back to haunt me”his shoulders shrugged as he started to chew.

 

“Are you going to face whatever it is?” Doyoung asks taking a sip from his styrofoam cup filled with water.

 

“It’s really not that easy, it’s something that’s just too- well too big of a mistake to face.” Jaehyun says after chewing his first bit of his baozi barely making his way to the meaty filling. 

 

“It can’t be that bad, what is this  _ big mistake _ anyway?” Doyoung says holding a piece of duck meat between his chopsticks.

 

“It’s pretty bad” Jaehyun scoffs at his own words, treating them like a joke, “Because it’s not just a mistake about me, I kind of- dragged someone in a bad spot. It’s my fault, and I didn’t mean it to be, but a sorry will never be enough for it..” his eyes were getting glassy again. Doyoung quickly notices, and pulls a napkin from the dispenser at the edge of the table. He thought he could take speaking about it to the boy in front of him..but he was still an incapable mess.

 

“Well I’m sorry about that.” Doyoung spoke with compassion, “I don’t mean to butt in, but why don’t you face that person now? Even if a sorry isn't enough, sometimes it’s all you can do.” Doyoung gently suggest as Jaehyun accepts the small napkin in his hands. 

 

Raising the napkin to his damp eyes Jaehyun starts, “We-well I think we’re both afraid to face each other. Actually I don’t even think he knows I’m here. I didn’t know he was here until a friend mentioned h-him.” his speech was cracking as a familiar pressure in his chest resonated once again.   

 

“Well whoever it is, I hope that you two make amends somehow. It seems really serious, I won’t ask you to say anything more, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, it feels kind of nice talking about it. I feel as if I were to speak about this to Taeyong he’d be disappointed in me? He won’t think of me the same way? I don’t know.. I just ahh- I don’t understand why he would be, but I have a feeling that he would be. I just don’t want to tell him, all- all this.” Jaehyun looks down on his food, as his vision continues to blur.

 

“I know we haven’t known each other long, but I live in a flat with you. I’ll literally always there.” Doyoung reaches to pat Jaehyuns shoulder as he flashes a reassuring smile. “But I won’t push you. But sometimes the best thing to do when something is trapped in your head is by telling it someone else.”

 

Jaehyun smiles through the small stream of tears that fell on from his cheeks. “Thank you, I’ll tell you one day, like you said I need it out of my head soon.”

 

“Eat for now”

  
  


* * *

 

 

“Kun” Taeyong sits on the brown leather couch of their small living room as Kun prepares the two dinner for the night. Taeyong had been preparing the two dinners since the first night they shared rooms, the two were silent with each other but they truly did appreciate each other's company, usually just reading a book, skimming through social media in the same room. Anything but talk. 

 

“Kun, I’ve told you about my boyfriend right?” Taeyong says pretending to scroll through his phone.

 

“You’ve mentioned him yeah,”he placed the metal bowl filled with rice and water inside the rice cook as he spoke to the boy, “what about him?”

 

“I can  tell you things right? We’re roommates, it’s fine?” Taeyong knew it was foolish to put his trust on the boy in front of him, but this had been eating him inside out since last night. 

“Of course” Kun says smiling, “What happened?”

 

“Well I think I messed up..” Taeyong puts his phone down from his hand to look at Kun who was now leaning on the granite counter. “I don’t think, I know I messed up, I mean he cried damn it.” his words escaped through his teeth like it was ice stained with anger.

 

“He it’s okay, may I ask what happened?”Kun asked concerned.

 

“I kept forcing myself on him and I pushed his limit.. I couldn’t help it, he was talking about someone for years, like he was hiding him. I thought it was someone that he was using to cheat on me, because everytime I talked about him he would just change the subject. What the hell would he want to hide?” Taeyong asked with desperation in his words. “I love him and he knows that, I love him so much, but I just can’t- I mean I trust him it’s just this is making me so suspicious… I probably sound like a broken record to you..”

 

“No, don’t worry we all do that at one point. Although I haven’t been in a relationship, I know suspicion will always seem to creep into would worries, and burries us deeper in our own holes. If you apologized sincerely, I’m sure it wi-”

 

“I have, I have said sorry multiple times last night and today, and he says it’s okay but his face says otherwise.”The powers in Taeyong’s voice began to break, his heart was aching for hurting the one he loved. But he knows he, himself, made a mistake. He should have trusted him.”

 

“H-hey Taeyong, it’s ok” Kun said as he started walking to the boy to sit beside him. He began to speak the only way he thought he could comfort the boy “One time, in high school I was one hell of a nosy person. I met this guy who was so gloomy all the time and I didn’t know why. So I pushed him almost everyday asking ‘Why are you like that?’ I was extremely impulsive if you can’t tell. He got pretty irritated but he wouldn’t break.  Anyway, he was so distant to so many people, pushing them away, and finally one time I asked him the same question I did before. But it was as if those words snapped in him. The boy’s facade shattered, but his vulnerability allowed me to help him. And because of I pushed his limit I helped him face his trouble to get better.” Kun smiles gently at his words, “Ee are best friends today.” he flashes a bright smile to Taeyong who had his face in his hands, his thumbs rubbing his temples. His expression softened and Taeyong looked at Kun to thank him. 

 

“I just wish he would let me help, he said he needed space and that’s what I’ll give him.”

 

“He said that too”

 

“Jae, he’s a sensitive guy. .” Taeyong chuckles at the antics of his boyfriend, he loved him so much even now, when he’s pushing him away. “I don’t want him to feel any worse.”

 

Kun gave a toothy smile to try and comfort the hurting boy. “Well I just hope that it works out for you and him like it did for my friend.”

 

Taeyong nods, “Thank you” Taking a deep breath to try to relieve the tension that he created he tried changing the subject, “Who is your friend anyway?”

 

“Oh we went to that school down the street, he’s really shy haha” 

 

“Aw, I hope I meet him one day,” Taeyong looks out the window “Jaehyun went there too.”

 

Taking the hint, Kun’s expression dropped. 

 

“Jaehyun? Jung Yoonoh?..”

 

“Yeah, do you know him?”

 

“Yeah. .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed ~ have a great day <3


	5. A Breath of Fresh Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a Johnten chapter : D - imma revise and edit again

Johnny and Ten both enjoyed their own cups of black coffee in the comfort of each other's company. Sitting across from each other on metal high chairs that accommodated the granite countertop. Plain black for Ten and a small teaspoon of sugar and cream for Johnny.

 

Finally starting a morning with a comfortable atmosphere, the two decided to have breakfast together. A cup of coffee and sweet bread. A few pastries that Johnny had bought with Jeno when they walked together. Not from the cafe they studied at ,but Jeno’s favorite bakery where he swore had the best chocolate hornets. Walking a few streets south of campus Johnny had learned more of Ten through Jeno, and their brotherly love that went back years before. It was as if the little boy were praising Ten as his role model, someone he looked greatly up to. Every word and story that Jeno mentioned had repeated in Johnny’s head like a movie as he looked how long lashes casted a shadow on Ten’s cheeks. Looking at the small foam bubbles that stuck to the inner rim of the cup Ten didn’t realize Johnny gazing at the him as a bright ray of the morning sun kissed his cheeks. Johnny didn’t seem to realize he was doing it either. 

 

“Thanks for helping Jeno yesterday.” Ten says now looking at Johnny’s white mug which he held snug in his hands. “It’s kind of you to help someone you might not know too well.”

 

Slowly reverting his gaze to his own cup of coffee Johnny said, “Yeah, my pleasure.”Johnny says with a small smile on his lips,“By the way he really seems to look up to you.”

 

Looking up Ten chuckled, “That’s odd, he never really says that,” his cheeks slowly flushed to a light peach. “Even if he is younger than me I look up to him too. He kind of took care of me when I wasn’t acting myself, he’s really mature for his age.” he said with a prideful expression.

 

“Yeah, I can tell.” 

 

“What did you guys do after we left, besides talk anyway?” 

 

“Oh, we just studied, a course, walked around the campus, walked to the bakery,” raising the small plate which had a small piece of bread filled with a light white cream. “He’s real friendly when he talks, I didn’t even realize so much time had passed when we spoke to each other. He showed me this lake where some ducks swam, apparently he goes there a lot with his friends, umm.. Jaenim and H-chan? I don’t remember their names too well-”

 

“Jaemin and Haechan” Ten said chuckling.

 

Looking at Ten’s eyes curve when he smiled made Johnny’s cheeks feel a tinge of warmth as he Johnny continued “Yeah. He apparently goes there alot with them, but they had class today. They would usually just feed the duck the bread that they bought,” pulling his cheeks back to expose his teeth, creating a wide rectangle with his lips he continue to say, “He knows it’s bad for the birds, but he still does it.”

 

Scrunching his nose white squinting his eyes Ten lets out another giggle, “Seems like something he’d do, I bet if Jisung or Chenle were there they’d make him stop.”

_ Nose scrunches. _

 

Cute was Johnny’s weakness. And the boy in front of him was being the embodiment of cute without realizing it, especially at such an ungodly hour. 

 

Ten was about to slowly raise his head to look at Johnny, but in Johnny’s panic he tips his steaming hot coffee into his mouth. He finishes drinking, only for him to feel the million needles that now pierced his tongue and throat. Instantly he turns to the side and stuck out his tongue, gagging. Ten watches with wide and eyes and frantically hops of the stool to run to the fridge. “Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Ten says slurred in panic.

 

“YEAH YEAH, I’MB GOODTH” Johnny’s speech was distorted because of he still stuck out his tongue, “I just dthank thoo qhuickthly.” his eyebrows furrow at his own annoyance of the his childish antics.

 

Pulling out an ice tray Ten quickly panics to take out a small rectangular piece to let calm the discomfort Johnny was feeling. However, despite him bending the tray nothing stuck out. Bending it forward and backward quickly, but not one piece of ice rose from its container. In Ten’s irritation he desperately bangs the tray on the granite counter, a little  _ too  _ hard. Half of the tray split into  pieces on the countertop in small shards of blue.  _ But hey, a piece of ice was free. _ Ten looked at Johnny with a mixed expression lightly chuckling, “I’ll buy a new one tonight” But Johnny was just laughing throughout the entire scene. Quickly taking the piece Ten runs to the sink wash the small piece of ice of and finally gave it to Johnny, who placed it in his mouth.

 

“You kntnow you dithdn’t have tho thhath.”

 

“I-I know you just looked like you were in pain”

 

“Thaankt you”

 

Ten smiles kindly to the boy, “No worries.”

 

Walking back to the plastic blue shards on the counter he reaches for the pieces one by one, “Now to clean up this mess”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Johnny stands in the kitchen, filling his metal water bottle with cold water. He looks at the digital camera held in his hand, about to place it in the foam bad that strapped at across his right shoulder to his left hip.“You like photography?”

 

“Yeah, I was just about to go on a walk to take some pictures.” Ten replies clicking the bag close continuing to slip on his shoes.

 

Johnny loved photography, he’s been doing it since a camera was given to him by his father for his fourteenth birthday. That one camera didn’t work anymore, but he still kept in on display on the dresser beside his his small collection of his processed photos. He’s bought his own now, taking countless pictures of scenery that he has visited, hundreds of sunsets, crashing waves, still lifes, architecture, flora, anything that he liked really. He hasn’t gone out to do so since school started, so he wanted to join the boy. However he didn’t want to force himself on him, “I enjoy photography as well, I have stack after stack of processed photos in my room. Would you like to see them when you’re back?”

 

Ten was slightly taken back, as a smile crept on his lips, “I would love to, mm actually would you like to come? I think it would be nice for someone to finally join me.” He was hesitant with his words, but he let them escape his lips without regret.

 

“I would love to,”Johnny says closing his metal water bottle “Just give me a second to get ready” with that the tall latter ran to his room as Ten sat on the couch waiting. 

 

After quickly changing into a pair of black slim fit sweatpants and a pale peach long sleeve Johnny put his own digital camera into the safety of his black foam case,case letting it hang on his right shoulder. Before heading out the door he reaches for his black framed glasses and slipped on white joggers. He saw Ten patiently waiting on the couch as he used his phone. “Sorry for the wait” Johnny says from behind.

 

“No problem, that was pretty quick anyway” Ten strands and the pair walk out the door to leave the dormitory.

 

“Where do you usually go to take your pictures?”

 

“We live near a beach, a large river, age old historical buildings, and an urban city filled with countless skyscrapers. I go everywhere, anywhere I can go in a day.”

 

“That’s sounds fun, a little ambitious. Where to first? It’s 11 am so we have the whole day.”

 

“There’s this gigantic field near this library. Some of it was used for a garden but the flora just spread so it’s like a field of flowers there. I usually go because the street that leads to it is filled with golden shower trees, just like the pathway on the way to my home in Thailand.” Ten smiled that the picture in his head, golden petals on the narrow barren streets as the flowers reached from a branch to the ground, tree after tree until it ended to the entrance of his house. “I’m pretty sure they’re dried up now that it’s so late into fall. But anyways, we should head to the bus stop,” raising his his left wrist to look at his watch he continues, “The next bus is in twelve minutes. We should go” Quickly walking together leaving the campus gates they made their way to the isolated bus stop just two streets away. 

 

“I really appreciate you letting me come with you” Johnny began as they crossed the short crosswalk.

 

“No problem,” Ten says giving the boy a friendly smile, “It’s the least I can do after I pretty much ignored you for a month, which I’m still sorry about..”

 

“Oh, no don’t worry, nothing better than the present”

 

Ten nodded as they finally made their way across the street. A series of yellow, orange, and brown blended in the skinny trees that traces the sides of the sidewalk, complementing the the blue yet cloudy skies that hung above them. The air was cool, enough to have some people wear their winter trench coats, yet some people, like Ten and Johnny stuck with a warm long sleeve. It was all nostalgic from the many autumns before, but it always seemed to be refreshing, at least it was for the tall latter. 

 

“I know we only really started talking this week, but for the past month of me just being a bystander, you were kind of a puzzle I had to guess on.” Johnny says to Ten bluntly  as they sat on the bus stops’ bench accompanied by an elderly couple who sat quietly with cart of groceries beside them. “It’s kind of nice to know somethings, I really appreciate you letting me do that- I mean know more about you. So thank you.” The words intentionally slipped out of Johnny’s tongue as a sense of content showed on his face, “I don’t mean to make it weird, I’m just really happy you asked me to go places with you like this. I know I already said it, I guess it’s just been a while since I did this.”

 

“Like I said earlier, it’s the least I can do.” Ten says kindly looking at the boy who say beside him. “Last month was just hard to get through.”

 

“Well if something is bothering you, I’m here to help.” Johnny says with a toothy smile, as Ten nodded gently. 

 

“So, when did you start to partake in photography hm?” Johnny asks curiously.

 

“Well it became a hobby pretty recently actually, about 4 years ago. It really helps me keep my mind off things” Ten replies “I like taking pictures of anything really. Usually of people. I have millions of pictures of Kun, Jeno, and Jeno’s friends.” Ten says giggling. “I like still lives as well, scenery, like I said anything really, anything that catches my eye really. What about you?”

 

“I got a camera as a birthday gift a while ago, been taking pictures of anything that I like, or catches my eye as well.” raising his camera up he continues “Speaking of things that catch my eye.” Snapping a shot, Ten’s face blushes a deep pink, shyly hiding his face into his shoulder that faced the opposite way of Johnny.

 

“The bus behind you really contrasted with the autumn colors.” he says looking at the camera screen.

 

Ten stepped on his foot.

 

“The bus is here, let’s get going.”

 

* * *

 

 

“You know I thought going back to Korea would be a drag,” Johnny says as they sat beside each other in the large passenger bus. “It’s amazing here, it’s beautiful really. Especially the people I’m surrounded with, but I still miss the urban streets of Chicago.”

 

“If you want to go to the city, we can take another bus after this that goes to the west urban areas.- Actually, let’s go there for dinner, I want to show you something.” Ten says with a with a playful tone. 

 

“What is it?” Johnny asks. 

 

“It’s a surprise” his eyes curve likes smiles. “Actually here’s a hint, there’s an amusement park near the coast line.”

 

“But you said we were going to the city.”

 

“That’s the surprise” Ten continues, “What do you like to do besides photography anyway? You ask so much about me I barely know you” smoothly changing the subject.

 

“Well I actually love to write poetry, I think I told you about the internship with Lee Taemin.”

 

“How could I forget” Ten says with giggle.

 

Johnny continues “He inspired me to write since I was twelve. His style I sometimes can’t explain it. The words somehow paint this picture in my head, but I could feel whatever I thought of. I know literature is supposed to bring you somewhere in your imagination, but his writing just makes me feel surreal. I really hope that one day I can do that myself.”

 

“You haven’t showed me your work, I’d be interested to read some one day”

 

“They’re all in a journal in my room, I’d be happy to.”

 

“What else hm? You kind of gave that away the first time I met you.” Ten says jokingly.

 

“Well, I think, well I believe I’m a great baker.” He says playfully raising his chin.

 

“Oh really? What do you bake? I bet it can’t beat Kun-mama’s cinnamon rolls” Ten says scrunching his nose as he laughed.

 

OOF Johnny got a mixed slap of emotions.  _ He did the nose scrunch again. _ But he had a small underlying tinge of jealousy. 

 

He was the best baker  _ infact. _

 

“I make the best cakes actually” Johnny says proudly

 

“Oh really?” Ten says making a mischievous  to the boy beside him.

 

“I do, really. Especially my black forest cake, I even make the cherry filling myself.”

 

Johnny only receives a Ten shaking his shoulders, “ _ fruit filling” _ his says with a sour face.

 

“Got some beef between you fruits?” 

 

“The only thing going on with me and fruits are my utmost hatred for them. They’re scary!” Ten says holding his folded arms in front of him as his palms were clenched into balls shaking them. Johnny only laughed at the boys antics.

 

“Excuse me? Scary?” Johnny says in a playfully mocking tone.

 

“Yes! It’s like I’m cursed when I eat fruit or when I’m around them!” He huffs out pouting at Johnny who continued to laugh despite the boy’s obvious irritation, only louder.

 

“Really they are!” Ten continues, “When I was eight I fell asleep under a durian tree and one fell on my head, I got a concussion! Then when I was ten I ate a banana that was just A LITTLE brown, but I thought it was fine because my aunt said brown mean they would be sweet. I finished the banana and I got food poisoning. Then when I was twelve I choked on a grape when my cousin and I were throwing grapes in each others mouths. I ALMOST DIED! There are more stories, more horrifying sotries!” Ten explained to the boy all in one impatient breath, but it only let Johnny laugh even more. Gently slapping Ten’s knee and the boy began to blush in embarrassment. They were in a public bus and Johnny was laughing like a hyena using a megaphone. 

 

Boy this will be a fun day.

 

* * *

  
  


“I thought Lucas and Chenle were loud monkeys” Ten said as they left the bus at their expected stop. “You’re somehow louder than them when they’re together.”

 

“Chenle is Jeno’s friend no?” Ten nodded in reply with Johnny continuing shortly after, “Whose Lucas?”

 

“Also a first year, he’s a giant baby. But a lovable one at that.” Ten says happily. “I really should introduce you to my them, they always wondered who my roommate was. I never really answered”

Johnny nods happily as they walked down the narrow sidewalk, barely an inch between the two boys. If one were to sway their hand just a little bit to the other, their hands would brush together. Mustard colored flowers outlined the sides of the sidewalk as the sky, which was now mostly clear shined above. Although it was only at the corner of Ten’s eye there was one dandelion puff that stood from the yellow blossoms. Carefully he takes out his camera as he stops walking, as Johnny watches him. Ten bends down to his knees to snap his shot quickly to keep from being a hindrance to the people behind them. Gracefully standing up they continue to walk together.

 

“May I see that?” Johnny asks curiously.

 

“Here” Ten places the camera in his the boy’s hands as he clicks for the button of his gallery.

 

The yellow flowers were a bit blurry because of his quickly actions, however the dandelion full seemed clear at the center of it all. Looking for a clearer picture he pressed the button to reveal the next picture. It was a page of a sketchbook, multiple facial expressions drawn on the page with black graphite. Some were of cheer and joy but most were of sadness and agony. Despite the expression, they were beautifully drawn, in a realistic yet stylistic manner, it was amazing.

 

“That’s really beautiful” Johnny’s words escape his lips without knowing.  

 

Ten makes a weird face, “It’s just flowers”

 

“No your drawings,”

 

Quickly realizing his words, Ten quickly pulls the camera from his hands in to look at the picture as  a sigh of relief eased the boy. “Oh those are the just practices my teacher recommends” Taking the camera back into his hands he wraps the band around his neck.

 

Taking the hint Johnny apologizes .“Sorry if I wasn’t supposed to see that. I usually take multiple pictures when take a picture of one thing, I guess I just pushed the button out of habit. It’ just the first one was blurry so I looked for another one” Johnny saw the boy’s face when he pulled the camera back to his hands, there was something in that camera that he was hiding. 

 

“No, it’s ok I didn’t mean to pull it from you so abruptly, I’m just a little shy with my drawings.” Ten says quietly. 

 

“Well they really are amazing,” Johnny says truthfully.

 

“Thank you”

 

“It’s half past twelve I think we should get some lunch” Johnny says patting the smaller boy’s back assuringly.

 

* * *

  
  


Ten and Johnny were sitting across from each other again like they did during breakfast. Ten had a bowl of  tteokbokki in front of him as Johnny had a bowl of jajangmyeon. They were eating quietly, as Johnny pulled his camera bag on his lap, pulling out the electronic. Taking a picture of  Ten with a piece of  garae-tteok in his mouth, right before his feline eyes widened. 

 

Johnny laughed. “Cute” he gently muttered under his breath. Taking another quick picture of a now flustered Ten bowing his head, half way from eating, and he took one last picture.

 

“Why did you take pictures of me?”Ten asked quickly. 

 

“There’s a stand outside, it’s rare to see a crepe stand” Johnny showed the picture, it was zoomed in to a lady holding a large ladle of a cream like batter. 

 

“A-ah ok, now I want some”

 

“Let’s go after we’re done then”

 

Ten nodded in agreement.

 

“I can’t remember the last time I had a crepe. My mother would make them for me when I was younger. Just stacking crepe after cream, crepe after cream until it made this cake.”

 

Ten almost choked on his water laughing, “I remember Jeno and his friends had the bright idea of doing that under Kun and my watch. There’s this boy Mark, he was incharge of cooking the crepes, at least for the first half. He would forget to put the oil before the batter, so he ended up with a weird sludge of a crepe.” both laughing at ten’s memory he continues,“That’s not even the worst part, when he was kicked off from doing that job, it was his  responsibility to cut the fruits they would put in between the pieces. He used scissors to cut through a bowl of strawberries. The kid’s nice, but he’s gotta learn to cook. The best part was all of the munchkins calling Kun, Kun-mama because they were watching over them, he was so distressed! He basically cooked the rest after they burned seven crepes.” cover his mouth with his hand Ten continued to laugh at the memory as Johnny. 

 

“Could you be talking about Mark Lee?” Johnny says in between laughs.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know too much about him. I just know he’s a good friend of Jeno’s”

 

“Ah, he’s my childhood friend actually!” Johnny says in Ten’s bewilderment.

 

“Yeah moved to Chicago from Canada when he was five, and we were great friends, even when he moved to Korea three years ago. And that’s true, I remember one time there was a sleepover and Mark was hungry for eggs. Like you said he’s not a great cook, the eggs he cooked were literally scrambled and a friend decided to take a picture to post it tagging a popular chef in America, only for his eggs to be mocked and criticized.” 

 

They laughed until their cheeks hurt and their stomachs ached, almost a bit too loud for other customers to bare, but they had a great lunch. A great time with each other. Shortly after their laughter died off Ten received a text from Kun.  _ ‘Hey, I have to push the dinner tonight to Sunday. I already told Jeno, but could you please tell Johnny. Still my treat, I just have to talk to Doyoung.’ _

 

Ten gasped at the text. _I_ _ forgot about sushi tonight.  _ It was pushed back, but Ten still felt guilty for getting, caught up in Johnny’s surprise. “Ahh, I forgot about Kun’s plan to go to sushi today, it got pushed back to tomorrow, but I forgot. I’m so forgetful!” Ten says to the boy across from him. 

 

“Oh okay, more photography for today then. Oh yeah and we need to buy that new ice tray,”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“Doyoung, I-I meant to call last night. I was just in shock. I needed to tell you this in person” Kun unsteadily speaks “Jaehyun he’s-”

 

“I know, Kun” Doyoung replies calmly. “He’s here, he’s been here.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?Why didn’t you tell Ten?” There were an obvious sense of irritation in his voice, “How did you find out damn it?”

 

“He’s” after a long pause Doyoung continues, “He’s me roomate, Kun.”

 

Kun gasps in disbelief continuing to ask a string of questions “How could you hide this from me? How could you hide this from Ten? You know he deserves to know. Doyoung, you-” 

 

“You know he’s not ready.. Especially not now, not at this time. You know that Kun. He will find out in time.”

 

"I just don't want him to get hurt, like before.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!


	6. A Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I'M LATE AGAIN SORRY. I've been buried if school work recently with last minute summer assignments, so I'm sorry if this chapter isn't the best.

Johnny and Ten had taken a series of pictures throughout the day with every view, patch of flora, graffiti, anything that seemed interesting to their eye. With hundreds of camera shutters they collected a plethora of images that let them relive the short day they spent together. It felt so quick, yet they enjoyed every second of each other's company. Either sharing a dish, snapping a shot of each other, laughing at punny jokes, or simply speaking a conversation, they appreciated the time together. 

 

The sun was beginning to set the horizon as an light orange sky fell behind it. The two were enjoying their desserts of street mochi from a vendor that stood in the heart of the city. After chewing on the soft treat Johnny asked, “So what was that surprise? The amusement park on the coast line?” 

 

“Ah, let’s start heading there now shall we.” Ten said after swallowing the sweet squish.

 

“I read the bus schedule while were on board, the next bus to the beach is a-”

 

“No, we’re going there.” Ten said pointing at a tall building, a skyscraper that stood like a giant compared to the small structures that surrounded it. 

 

“But you said-” Johnny was interrupted yet again.

 

“That’s the surprise Johnny, you’ll see!” Ten says with a bright smile with his mochi filled cheeks. “Just follow me for now”

 

Quickly taking a few steps ahead the tall latter, Johnny follows confused. “I want to get there before the sun fully sets because it’s always the perfect picture.” Ten said cheerfully.

 

Ten reaches for John's wrist as he drags him running through the streets.  Ten’s hair was flying around in the wind as a smile spread on his lips, almost laughing. It was a sight that made Johnny laugh himself looking at Ten with admiration as the sun kissed his light skin. He was smiling, cheerful with slight dimples on his cheeks. A striking contrast with the boy that he saw leaving his room without a word, one with a stoic face, whose gloomy eyes held a thousand words, yet his lips stayed still. That was obvious to him, but what confused his was the small tinge of warmth he had in his heart every time that he smiled, he laughed,  or scrunched his nose. He was someone new to him, not exactly, but new to knowing. It was impossible for him to already grow feelings no? Shrugging his shoulders Johnny just enjoyed the moment with the boy who walked in front of him.  _ Ten is really something.  _

 

“That building is the where I work,” Ten explains between breaths.

 

“Really?” Johnny said a bit surprised, he thought Ten was either in the dorms of his classes, when did he work?”

 

“It’s a branch of a music industry that I makes graphic designs, illustrations, anything for albums covers, advertisements, ” Ten said cooly, “One of the perks of being an art major is the connections that you make through your studies. Now hurry up the sun is setting!” Ten exclaims running faster.

After a few minutes of running the two boys entered the large lobby of the building, “Hey, Ten! Nice to finally see you again.” A man from the front desk happily waved at the boy. “It’s rare to see you here.” 

 

“Hi Min-dongsaeng,” Ten bows to him, “I was just going to visit” he says continuing to pull Johnny’s arm as they made their way to the elevator. Once they were in Ten calmy pressed the rooftop button. 

 

“The rooftop?” Johnny asks curiously which only got him a joyful nod from Ten. “It’s the surprise.”

 

After a quickly wait they arrived at a small stairway the lead to the roof’s floor. Once Ten opened the door they were welcomed with a bright luminescence from the setting sun. It was beautiful.  The sun was currently kissing the horizon emanating a rich orange as it gradieted to a gloomy blue to welcome the night sky. The buildings that stood tall when they were on the ground were small in comparison to the one he stood on now. The shoreline was hinted the east side as the low tide reached for the sand. Johnny knew this was the perfect picture. Johnny stared in awe, and quickly ran to the railing he snaps countless pictures as Ten watches gleefully. “This is the best part, but it’s not exactly my surprise” he  says behind the boy.

 

Johnny turns to him, stopping his series of pictures. Ten continues to speak, “You said you missed the city, this is the closest to Chicago’s urban feel I can get. But there’s one more thing I want to show you after this, we don’t exactly have to leave either.” Ten looks at Johnny’s camera. “Why did you stop?”

 

“Thank you,” Johnny says taking a few steps forward to the boy. Slightly jumping forward he pulls Ten into a tight hug. Much to Ten’s surprise, he didn’t mind it, he just felt like he was engulfed in warmth, it was cold in the rooftop anyways. Johnny laughed as he hugged the boy, “This means a lot to me, allowing me to spend the day with you, and even bringing me here.” Ten stood still not exactly knowing how to respond, barely stuttering out, “Ye-yeah no problem, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” The subtle moment, inside Johnny’s arms, made Ten feel like he was home as well, slightly.

 

Once Johnny released the small boy, the sun was now at its peak, hiding behind the mountaintops north of their view, where Johnny took one final shot. 

 

“I was really surprised when you mentioned that you like to do photography.” Johnny says gently looking to his side. “I’d like to see more of your work soon”

 

Replying with a gentle nod, Ten speaks saying, “Of course, I’ll show you once we return to the dorms. Let’s just wait a few minutes for now”

 

“Is it the second part of the surprise?” Johnny says cocking a brow.

 

“Yeah,”

 

“Why not just give it to me now?”

 

“It’s not something that I can give you, just wait a bit.”

 

With a confused expression Johnny plays along and says “What do you think we should fo in the meantime hm?”

 

“Well anything really,”

 

Johnny stands gardening his thoughts, standing still for a few moments, “How have you been doing hm?”

 

“I’ve been with you all day” Ten says chuckling, “I’m doing great”

 

Johnny gives a somber smile, “That’s a good, a lot better than before,”

 

Ten’s expression drops slightly, causing Johnny to panicaly say, “I don’t mean to remind you,”

 

“It’s okay, I really needed a day like this sooner or later.”

 

“Well I’m happy you spent it with me.” Johnny says stepping closer to Ten, “Seems like you’ve been going through a lot. I know I’m fairly new to you, but if you ever need to speak to anyone,” he reaches for Ten’s arm, genlty holding his wrist in his hands, “I’ll be here”

 

A familiar warmth filled Ten’s heart as Johnny stood so close in front of him, his brown eyes gazing at the other with a kind expression. Ten nods slightly, “Thank you” pulling his hand back to rest beside him. 

 

The sky blanketed a dark indigo above them as the stars glistened behind the wispy clouds. It wasn’t until a loud explosion did the two enjoy a quiet silence. A flower of colors shot from the shoreline into the sky. “Fireworks,” Johnny says giggling.

 

“Yeah” 

 

The two stood beside each other, inches apart, raising their heads to watch the series of colors in front of them.

 

* * *

 

 

Doyoung and Kun stared at each other across the room of Kun’s room. Taeyong had left for his parent’s house for the weekend, alone, without Jaehyun this time. He would have to think of some excuse to say why, because he didn’t feel as if his parents should need to know what happened exactly.

 

The day was perfect, after a clear afternoon from morning gloom, there was a breathtaking sunset, and finally a twinkling painting spread across the night sky. It  _ was _ a perfect day, really, but Kun’s room only filled with a somber tension.

 

After gaining the knowledge that Jaehyun had been here, with them, with Ten, or at least around him, Kun was overcome with an overwhelming sense of panic. He didn’t know what to do, does he tell Ten? Does he keep it to himself until he himself finds out? Wouldn’t that be betrayal? But Ten deserve to know. Ever since Taeyong had mention Jaehyun’s name last night, every fiber of his body wanted to mention the boy to his best friend. But he feared of what he would do if he found out...

 

“Doyoung, how can I not tell him?” Kun’s voice was shaking under his breath, as his heart paced rapidly in his chest. It pained him to know that the man who ruined the person who is the most important to him, was here. 

 

“Jaehyun didn’t know” Doyoung cuts in softly.

 

“How can he not know?That damn school is down the street, how can he just comeback thinking everything was fine? The audacity of that bastard.” Kun spit out like venom.

 

“Kun, look the guy came back here because of his boyfriend. He probably thought that Ten would be home, in Thailand. Where he was when he left him..” the words trailed of Doyoung’s lips slowly.

 

“Exactly Doyoung, he left him.” there was a bitter taste in his mouth, and his head burned down to his spine, “He left without a word, he betrayed him. And you still think Ten doesn’t deserve to know?” his eyes started to become glassy, holding back his anger, tears, and  _ fears _ .

 

“I know he does Kun, I know he deserves to know. But telling him now, is not a smart idea. You know he mourns at this time. This is the time that everything happened, and he looks back every damn time like it haunts him. He needs all the happiness he can get, you know that.” Shaking his head he continues. “Did you know I barely got him out of getting kicked out of the dormitory because he kept breaking curfew.” Doyoung looked down. “Almost every other night Ten would leave. I followed him once and he would go home, entering the flat he lived in , doing who knows what. When he left, I confronted him but there were tears in his eyes. He could barely speak, he said it’s like this everytime and I didn’t understand. When I walked him to the dorms the dormitory security said that he had to stop leaving in the middle of the night or he would get temporary suspension. He’s constantly doing that Kun, it’s not healthy...”

 

Kun says bites his lip, “He never told me he did that..he calls me so late into the night, and he’s crying. But I thought he was getting better, I thought he was telling me what was wrong. I thought he was only like this because it’s the anniversary.” His tone of disbelief shifted to one that was stained with worry and concern, “But Doyoung, no one lives there anymore they left, they’re all gone... I should have known about this damn it..” His eyes burned as a tear fell to his cheeks, “I’m so sorry Ten.”

 

“This isn’t your fault Kun..” Doyoung said standing slowly to slowly pull the boy into a gentle hug. “You know he thinks that he has blood in his hands. He thinks he killed them, we all know he didn’t… it’s no one’s fault.”

  
  
  



	7. What Happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : IMAGES OF SELF-HARM
> 
> hi i really wish i could write expressively, but i'm working on it. i hope you guys like this chapter, it's a bit bitter sweet. mostly bitter really, but the story will be a bit of a roller coaster from now on.

It had been three months of countless hours spent together for Johnny and Ten. If it was the talks between them, giving a detailed recap of how their day went during dinners, or the weekly routine of strolling through the streets with their digital cameras, maybe even the times they enjoyed speaking about the complex happenings of life, laying on the couch sitting side by side. It was as if the barrier that kept the two apart had completely disappeared after that night gazing at the fireworks. There wasn’t an awkward glass wall that separated them from each other, it all dissolved into what they had now. A genuine friendship where each cared for the other. A friendship where acceptance was unconditional and bona fide sympathy was mutual.   They had grown close, especially after a night that Johnny finally grew the courage to knock on Ten’s door on of his sleepless nights of weeping. It was like the nights like first month of them living together, however there was large gap of time where he stopped, two months.  Johnny thought it was odd that it happened again  _ two months later. _ He thought he was better. But then again, this wasn’t just another night from before...

 

Standing at the other side of Ten’s door Johnny knocked gently against the hardwood. Ten was hesitant to open the door so he stayed laying on his sheets, trying with every fiber of his being to hold in a cry. Coughing to clear his throat, he smooths his voice, “Hey, Johnny do you need something?” he says between hiccups, which he muffled under his trembling hands. His cheeks were deeply stained pink as was his stuffy nose, amd his eyes were almost bloodshot, glassy from the hot tears that streamed down his face. His  hair stuck to his forehead as he sweats from the unbearable heat that coarsed throughout the entirety of his body, conjuring from the anxiety that filled his heart, burning like stick. He was miserable.

 

“A-are you okay, Ten?” Johnny says sincerely.

 

“Yea-Yeah, I am” he barely croaks out, slowly sitting up from his bed. His hands now covered his face, embarrassed as if the boy was on the other side of the door looking at him. 

 

“Don’t you remember Ten.” Johnny says slowly, “I told you I’d be there, I don’t know what you’re going through. And I’m sorry you have been facing it for so long. But, I just want to help.” Gently resting his right hand on the door frame, he rests his forehead behind it as he makes a worried expression. The boy in the other side of the door had somehow pieced his heart every night he cried. It was the last straw tonight, for it was just too much to bare. “You’re not the quietest person Ten,” he continues, “I can hear you everytime. Tonight it just seemed so much louder than the countless times before, so please. Just let me help, as your friend.” He bites his lip as he waits for the other boy’s answer, his heart beating rapidly in his heart.

 

“I-I’m sorry for keeping you up” Ten sputters out raising his hands to cover his eyes. “I-I’ sorry,” Ten apologies again, his lips trembled with every word he said. “I didn’t me-mean to-”

 

“No Ten, stop it, you’re not bothering me. I’m just concerned, I’m worried about you.” Johnny says, his hands now held his heart. “So please, let me in to try and help you.”

 

Slowly turning his gaze to the to door knob, Ten only sees a small, blurry fuzz of yellow on a large slab of white. Hesitating to reach for his comforter, he pulls his hand back to his chest. But his legs stretched to the edge of the bed.  _ Johnny _ . The entirety of his body felt like it was burning, his nerves were seeming gasoline and his muscles were paper.

 

When his feet silently rested flat on the floor he inhaled an uneasy deep breath that released his from the suffocating tension in his throat. As he slowly releases he is interrupted by a painful hiccup.  _ Help me _ he says, but his lips didn’t move. Pushing his weight off his bed with his weak arms he slowly walks to the door as he hears Johnny’s quiet pleads. Once he rested his hand on the door knob he let his weight lean on the door, as his legs almost gave out. Weaking unlocking the door, he turns the knob to allow a small entrance to open, until he finally fell to the ground. 

 

Johnny’s eyes widen in shock and disbelief.

 

Gently opening the door he walks in to crouch next to Ten. His chest was heaving shaky, heavy breathes, desperate to for air. “I-I” he starts Johnny pulls Ten between his legs allowing Ten’s back to rest on his chest. He was so light as he slung on Johnny’s arms. “Ten, what’s wrong?” 

 

“I-I feel like-” his voice wavered.

 

“Ten, your legs…” A wave of panic overcome Johnny.

 

Soaking through his blue pastel pajama shorts were blotches of red crimson, which bloomed from the side of his thighs and traveled down to the middle of his calf and finally dripped to the floor. “I need to find the first aid kit, Ten” slowly standing as he held Ten’s back in his hands. He crouches yet again to scoop the frail boy in his arms. Effortlessly walking to his bed, he tenderly lays him on his sheets. They too were stained red when he rested on them before. “W-we’ll clean them up later” Johnny says shakily. He looks at the boy’s face the red flush was becoming a sickly  pale gray. “I need to call an ambulance” 

 

With all the strength Ten had left he pulls om Johnny’s arm.”No-no, just bandage-ge them, plea-ease.”

 

Biting his lip, Johnny hesitates slowly reaching for the phone in his pocket. “Pl-please” Ten says desperately pulling on his sleeve even tighter than before.

 

Those words pierced Johnny’s heart. It wasn't only guilt that would overcome him if Johnny if Ten got worse.  _ regret, fear, sadness _ .

 

“I’ll find the energy kit” 

 

“There’s one un-under my bed, on the left side” Ten barely breathes out. 

 

Johnny nods as he rests his knees on the floor to find the said kit, crouching his head under the bed. He pulls a large white box that was labeled “First Aid” Quickly trying to opening the box Johnny is pressed even more as Ten’s breathing becomes more and more unsteady.  _ Everything inside looked untouched, was this the first time he’s done this? _ He rips a large paper pouch that capsulated a large folded cloth tugging with his teeth. Serving his attention back to Ten he rose his hands above his thighs. 

 

“I need to stop the bleeding.” Johnny says sternly. 

 

Gently pulling Ten’s shorts up to find the source of of the he sees numerous stripes of open wounds, oozing with a vivid ruby, a striking contrast with his pale white complexion. Ten turned his head in embarrassment, looking away from Johnny. A somber expression paints Johnny’s face looking at the tears in his skin, inhaling he gently presses the cloth on his right thigh. Hissing in pain, Ten’s leg slightly jerks, “I’m sorry Ten, I need to apply more pressure- I need to stop it” weakly nodding his head Ten complies. He remembers the sight of his skin. Defiled with deep crimson streaks that dug deep in his skin. The image adulterated his image of the boy, bleeding through his brain all the way to his heart.

 

So many questions ran through Johnny’s head,  _ Why would you do this, Ten? Have you been doing this all along? What made you do this? Why do this? Why? _ They burned through Johnny’s head as he looks at the boy who did not dare look into his eyes. However, he kept it to himself knowing, this may not be the best time. 

 

Continuing to apply the needed pressure to the wounds, Johnny continues to his other thigh, repeating the same process only to see Ten’s eyes were closed. “He-hey Ten, I need you awake here.” 

 

Responding with a slight groan Ten’s eyes slowly open like slits, gingerly nodding. “Good, I’ll bandage you up when I’m done. I just need you awake.” The pressure of the vultures in the room only made Johnny’s boiling anxiety for the boy unbearable, but he just needed him to be okay.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Ten woke up in a different room. One decorated where hundreds of processed photographs decorated the walls with a few posters of metal bands. Opening his eyes only to feel a familiar sting on his thighs. Pressing his lips together he elbows the bed to sit up against the headboard. His thighs were bandaged. There were a few spots where blood had oxidized and stained a brownish red, but he was bandaged. He also wore different clothes.An extremely large blue sweatshirt that engulfed his frame, with black  basketball shorts that loosely clung on his hips. Exhaling a deep sigh,he clenches his wrist in irritation.  _ He saw me.  _ Pulling his hands to reach his hair he tugs on his black stands in anger.  _ He saw me _ . Huffing a loud grunt, then pulls his knees to his chest ignoring the friction of the bandages on his tender skin. He bends his head down to his knees and hugs his legs. Pained with embarrassment and fear Ten drowns in a series of thoughts that dug him deeper and deeper into an endless cycle of self-pitty. Returning to a crying state he sits in the room that now filled with quiet whimpers. 

 

It wasn’t until the door creaked open to reveal a large letter behind it did Ten raise his head from his knees. Johnny. The boy who helped him last night.  _ The night he thought that he was going to die. _ “Ten you’re awake,” Johnny says rushing to the boy’s side, he pulls the boy into a gentle hug burying his head on the rook of Ten’s shoulder and neck. “I was so worried” pulling Ten into a tighter embrace he continues. “I’m so happy you’re ok” there was sincerity in his voice, something Ten hadn’t heard for a while. When he let’s go of the small boy, Ten rubs his eyes with the sleeves of the sweatshirt, quickly drying his eyes. “Ten, why are you crying again.” Johnny asks as his eyebrows stitched together in concern. 

 

Squinting his eyes to avoid Johnny’s gaze Ten’s words began to crawl up his throat. “Yo-you mus be disguit-ted by me” his words were broken as they fell from his lips. Johnny shakes his head, “No Ten, I was worried. All I could do was worry, I didn’t know if you were okay. You were so pale, I was going to call an ambulance bu-but you told me not to, so I treated you myself. I don’t know if I did it well enough, but I tried my best. When your heart rate went back to normal after a bit I just hoped that you would be fine when you woke up” he gently holds Ten’s hands, giving it a light squeeze. “Ten, I said I’m here to help you, I’m your friend, and we need to see if you’re okay.”

 

“I’m sorry, I just thought-” Ten starts, but he ran out of words, not knowing what he should say next. The emptiness in his speech reminded Johnny, “Ten you should rest, you barely got any sleep.” He gently pats his black hair with his slender hands gingerly. “There is food on the counter, you should eat soon. I have class, and if it’s okay…” He looks at Ten’s glassy eyes, “I would like to know why. Please take care of yourself, I’ll be back in a few hours.” slowly turning his heal Johnny walks out of the room quietly. 

 

Ten’s mouth felt dry, the back of his throat felt hoarse. Gently biting his lips Ten was a lost for emotions, was he supposed to feel a certain feeling right now? Johnny is being so kind… But he was still ashamed.. What is he supposed to feel? Ten’s felt as if his heart was carved out and replaced with the nebulous emotions that bled through his chest. Gently rubbing his eyes Ten shakes his head,  _ Take care of yourself _ .  Turning his legs to the edge of the bed Ten rests his feet on the cold hard wood floor. Across from his was yet another wall embroidered with countless pictures, some were awfully familiar. 

 

_ The orange sunset. Fireworks on a night sky. And him. _

 

Standing up and tightening the waist bad of the shorts he walks towards the collage of pictures. They were printed in standard 4x6 glossy pictures and organized like a small pyramid among the neatly gridded pictures of his strolls in Korea and Chicago. Ten reaches his fingers out to the the pictures, gently grazing his tips on the shiny surface. Each was a small snippet of the day they spent together 2 months before, the time they spent on the rooftop. Slowly looking up there was another picture of him eating  garaetteok, a piece still in his mouth, and other of the collection of flora that they visited in the large field beside the beach. There were more pictures, ones of the times they had spent together in the weekends before. Among all of them stuck a small note that read “The first few months of korea weren’t too bad, especially after spending them with someone like Ten” 

 

That was enough for Ten, enough to make the nebulous emotions to feel warm. There familiar flutter in his stomach, finally ones who didn’t kick. This was enough to gently tug a smile on the boy’s lips.

 

_ Someone like Ten _ . 

 

* * *

  
  


Johnny made his way out of the dormitory wing, cooly strolling past students with a stoic expression. Despite not sleeping at all he was still dashingly handsome, wearing  a black trench coat that reached down to the middle of his calves to pair with the white plain long sleeve and a pair of black straight pants. A small amount of concealer was enough to hide his hooded bags, and shower and black coffee was enough to wake him up. He was glad Ten was fine and breathing. Last night was the scariest night of his life, not sure if the life he held in his hands would pull through, but thankfully he did, breathing the deepest sigh of relief as he made his way out of the room where Ten rest. But one thing still ran through his head,  _ That wasn’t the first time. _ He remembers the streaks of dark brown scars, around the new wounds, decorating his skin like a morbid painting.  _ Why Ten.. _

 

“Johnny” snapped out of his thoughta and looks for the source of the voice, only to find Kun standing behind him. His eyes looked irritated and puffy and the bright expression that usually gleamed on his face was solemn. “Is Ten okay? I-I heard everything”

 

Then Johnny remembers that phone that lay on Ten’s bed when he collected his stained bed sheets to be washed. He thought little of it because the screen was off, but that was a while after the episode came to a close, so he merely collected it and places it next to the food that he made for Ten’s breakfast. 

 

“What happened..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hun, i hope you're doing well and take care of yourself.
> 
> please thank positively, and do your best to be the best person you can be. it is hard but it is truly worth it for you and the people around you <3 people care and they love you, i love you. so take care of yourself.


	8. Listen Carefully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING, IMAGES OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ARE MENTIONED**  
> this is a pretty key chapter where Johnny finds out a gigantic piece of what happened to Ten.  
> i really wish i could write with more emotion, but i'm still learning <3 so please, i'm sorry for the basic language.

“Kun what is going on?”

 

“I can’t tell you Johnny.” His expression looked hollow, his usually peachy complexion was now a muted grey. Johnny noticed in the past few classes that they had together Kun grew more and more jaded, initiating less conversations, even avoiding conversations all together. Not knowing of the context, Johnny would usually got the boy a cup of coffee before class. He thought that maybe he was just studying too hard, midterms were coming up anyway. But today, Kun looked frayed, it would makes sense after what had happened last night.

 

“Do you know what’s going on?” Johnny questioned with an agitated tone.

 

“I know” Kun cut in.

 

“He almost bled until he passed out. Aren't you a little concerned?” Johnny’s eyebrows stitched together at the boy’s arrogance.

 

“Yes, Johnny. Of course I am, why do you think I look like shit right now?” He voice was defiled with vexation, “I have been awake since I called him last night.. I had to tell him something important.. But - I knew it was a mistake- Telling him anything was a mistake. I-I’ve been hesitating to tell him for so long. Why did I-” Kun wasn’t thinking straight all, all he could think  about was the anger that boiled in his veins, “That bastard should never have come back” 

 

“Who are you talking about Kun?” Johnny asks clueless

 

“No one of your concern” he spat out, turning his heel about to walk away, until Johnny strenly tugged on his sleeve.

 

“Ten is my friend too ,Kun, and I’ve been so apprehensive with what’s happening with him. I should at least know. And I want to help him anyway. What the hell can I do if I don't even know what’s making him this way. I can’t just watch his do that to himself over and over again..”

 

Kun holds back a sob, “He’s hurting himself be-because of.. Jung Yoonoh.” biting his lip he instantly regrets his impulsive action. 

 

The name was familiar to Johnny, it rested at the tip of his tongue, “Jaehyun?”

 

Kun’s eyes slowly widened, glassy from his repression, but his expression was irritated, “Do you know him?”

 

“What the hell, what does he have to do with Ten? I didn't even know they knew each other..” Johnny’s voice trailed off with every word. Why would someone as kind as Jaehyun cause Ten to serve himself his own self-destruction.

 

“Don't tell me you know this guy.” Kun looks Johnny straight at his brown eyes,“you don't know what a son of a bitch he is.” 

 

“Hey, watch your words Kun, you don’t know what you’re tal-”Johnny became defensive. 

 

“You know nothing…” He spat bitterly.

 

“How the fuck will I know if you don't tell me” Johnny’s voice began to raise they began to catch other students’ attention. Those who passed them started to look at the two.

 

“If Ten trusted you,he would tell you Johnny,” roughly pulling his arm away from Johnny’s grip, “ don't fucking ask me” Kun says raising his voice as well.

 

“Hey watch it” a familiar face emerged behind Kun, “That’s me friend you’re talking to”

 

“Jaehyun” Johnny was surprised with the boy’s appearance.  

 

“Jung Yoonoh” there was a bitter taste in Kun’s mouth, “Since you two are such great friends ask him yourself Seo” with that Kun left, leaving Jaehyun confused. 

 

“Who was that guy Johnny?”

 

“Just…” This was Johnny’s chance to know the truth, “Jaehyun can I talk to you?” 

 

“Of course, about what?”

 

Suddenly Johnny remembered that night Taeyong had mentioned the Ten’s name, how Jaehyun began crying, regret filling his eyes. Now wasn’t the right time, “How are you and Taeyong?” 

 

The two started to walk together past the aisle of flora that decorated the sides of the cement pathway. “We took a break, but that was a few months ago, we’re doing great now. Better than we were before actually.” Jaehyun smiled genuinely.

 

“Ah well that’s good to hear,” Johnny looks at his watch, “I have class in a few minutes, are you free at 2 pm?” he would ask him then, Johnny needed to know. 

 

“Yeah, my class ends at 1:40, do you want to meet up or something?”

 

“Yeah, it’s a … mm serious question I guess.” 

 

Jaehyun’s face churned ,”About what? Taeyong and me?”

 

“No, just umm can you meet me at the cafe near the entrance of the campus? It’s important”

 

“Yeah of course” 

 

“Anyways, I gotta run, I’m going to be late” Quickening his pace Johnny makes his way through the south wing of the school, away from the Jaehyun who itched to know the question.

 

_ Who is Jaehyun to them? _

 

* * *

  
  
  


Johnny sat at the door closest to the exit, it was hard to focus on the lesson when there’s a looming question that remained unanswered in his head. The explanations the professor was saying was a obscured, barely a blur that quickly passed through Johnny’s ears. Giving up on his attempts to pay attentions he pulls out his phone he sees a message at the top of his notifications, it was Ten.

 

“Thanks for taking care of me Johnny. I didn’t mean to inconvenience you. I’m really sorry.” 

 

Tapping on the keyboard, Johnny starts, “It’s was no problem, I just hope you’re doing okay. Take care of yourself, Ten.”

 

That boy was still a mystery to Johnny. After he thought that the relationship the two shared was stronger than before it was blocked with this impediment. One where he didn’t know why, how, or when it would come. But it was inevitable, because his questions were still unanswered .  _ What happened last night? _ Then again they never really left Johnny’s tongue. Always too hesitant to ask, thinking it would only make matters worse. Where he would relive what he felt that night. But, maybe Jaehyun will give him the hint he really needed.

 

“Thank you”

 

 _1:32_ _thirty minutes to go_.

 

* * *

  
  


“What did you need to talk about Johnny?” Jaehyun asked after sipping his cold sweet tea.

 

“Do you think I can as you..” looking at Jaehyun with a concerned expression, “your relations with Ten.”

 

Jaehyun’s eyes strayed from Johnny’s, as he looked down at the glass rim of the cup that held his tea. “Why are you asking this out of the blue?”

 

“He hasn’t been well, and… and a friend said you would know why. And when I mean he’s not doing well, it’s extremely serious.”

 

Jaehyun’s heart dropped at his words, “I think I would know why too.” He closes his eyes and rubbed his temples with the tips of his fingers, “I-I don’t think this is the place to do that actually.”

 

“Is it that serious?”

 

“I don’t want rumors spreading..” Jaehyun says uneasily. “Doyoung, don’t come back until 6, so let’s go to my dorm.” Leaving his barely touched tea to sit on the wooden table, he starts to walk away from the booth they sat in as Johnny hurriedly followed. It was an awkward walk to the room, neither said a word, each too hesitant to initiate anything. It was as if stacks of bricks were placed on their chests as they each waited for a response, but the tension pulled them away from any urges to say anything. Luckily it was a short walk, barely lasting three minutes, so once the they made their way into the room Jaehyun locked the door and told Johnny to sit on the couch.

 

Stilling at the single seater that rested next to him he began, “What do you want to know..?” He didn’t look at Johnny as shame locked his gaze to the floor.

 

“Do you know why he’s like this?”

 

“Use your words Johnny, what do you mean?”

 

“How do you know Ten, exactly?”

 

“Shaking his head he starts, “We met when we were small, at school, a while ago, probably seven years ago. The guy was my best friend, I always had my back because his family was… You know right?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“He hasn’t told you?”

 

“I really don’t know..”

 

“Well, you know nothing about this boy do you.. He parents passed away when he was young Johnny. His mother died commuting in a train that derailed, and his father became and alcoholic who abused him until he took his own life.”

 

It was so blunt coming out of Jaeyun’s lips, as if it was something casual that rolled off his lips. But it was like a bullet to Johnny’s chest, as air was ripped away from his throat.

 

“He lived with his aunt here in Korean as well as his cousin..”

 

“Is that why he’s been so- what does that have to do with you?”

 

“In the summer before freshman year.. Everything that happened in childhood happened again. It was like someone hit the replay button, those who he considered family left. It was so sudden and cruel. He never told me why, or how it happened. He’s always been so secretive...His cousin who he considered a brother killed himself, while his aunt, who he thought of as a second mother was brain dead after a stroke.” Jaehyun spat out a bitter laugh. “It was a disgusting joke. Why should it happen again, especially to someone like him.”Jaehyun made a face of genuine concern, although he didn't look at the boy, it was obvious to Johnny. 

 

“I don’t understand, Jaehyun.”

 

“What don’t you understand?”

 

“All of this, why did Kun tell me, it was your fault?”

 

“I’m not finished.” standing up Jaehyun slowly paces across the living room. “After that, you could think the toll it took on Ten. Holy fuck, it was like the boy was going through hell. Imagine the trauma it caused. Watching people take their own lives in front of you. Those you love. All over again..  The night his cousin had taken his life, Ten injured his leg. The guy pushed him down the stairs because Ten was trying to stop him.. It was more than just a broken leg, it was permanent damage, when he treated it months later... Because of his decisions, Ten became almost, lifeless. The night his aunt died from a stroke,he tried drowning himself...His whole damn life was a shitshow.” Every word was like fire that crawled up his throat, and in his desperation all he could do was spit it out.

 

Johnny was taken back at Jaehyun’s words.

 

“Do you know what it feels like to drag a body that’s barely breathing out of a tub that’s stained by their own blood? I was scared to death, but he was awake enough to tell, me: ‘I’m fine. Don’t call for help, I’m just tired.’ So I listened to him… I didn’t know what to do! I was 15 what the hell was I supposed to do then? But after that he went back to his habits. Hurting himself, causing his own destruction. It lasted for months, where he would hurt himself almost every night, he would come to school with new scars, only for him to hide under his pants and sleeves. _He was sick._ He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him to get help, he always said he deserved everything, and he would be fine. Because of that I began to drift away from him, as if the years of friendship we shared boiled down to nothing.” Jaehyun continues as his words started to break apart.

 

“We had a fight where I confronted him, ending whatever the hell our friendship at become. It started out with words, at first I wanted to save what we had, but he kept twisting what I said. I got so damn angry I didn’t think what I was saying, but when he lashed out on me saying ‘You don’t know what it feels like to lose everything all over again. Everyone who has loved me before is gone, and I can’t do anything about it! I’m sorry I’m not living a perfect world like you. I’m sorry I’m not a spoiled, pampered, little bitch who can just call to mommy and daddy everytime I’m in trouble.’ I punched him, and told him he was disgusting. I said he deserved everything that he was going through… I said.. I wish I never saved you that night.”

 

Jaehyun’s eyes watered as Johnny listen numbly “Then one day, we were in class for dance. He collapsed on his leg because he didn’t do a move a certain way. And he was crying in pain, it was the leg that his cousin had broke. I-I - the teacher came over and asked what the hell happened and he pleaded with me, ‘Don’t tell her’ but I couldn’t! The boy was too much. He was asking me to hide his impulses to hurt himself! It was hurting me too...that’s why I ended the damn friendship, whatever the hell it was, so I confessed everything he had told me, everything he had done. In front of him, in front of the teacher, in front of the damn class. Everyone knew about what happened with his family, but they didn’t know what he was doing to himself.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Jaehyun, barely 15 looks at Ten who laid on the floor clutching on his knee, as tears streamed down his pink cheeks. They both saw the teacher slowly making her way to the collapsed boy at the other side of the large room. ‘Jaehyun, please, don’t say anything...Please’ Ten pleased with the boy like a broken record as other students watched confused. “Ten, are you alright?”  noticing that Ten hadn’t stood up yet. 

 

“I-I’m fine” Ten choked out between sobs.

 

“Just tell her that you’ll bring me to the nurse’s office- I can fix this at the bathroom. I can’t let her see me. Please” he whispers to Jaehyun in desperation. 

 

Torn between his conscience and his Ten’s request, Jaehyun felt the painful churn in his stomach as his heart dropped. “Ten, what happened” The teacher asked again, now crouching beside the boy. “I-I just need to go to the nurse’s office, Jaehyun can he-” Ten says as bullets of sweat rolled down his skin. 

 

“No” Jaehyun cuts in. “Ten is not alright. He needs help. He’s been hiding so many things-”

 

“Jae-Jaehyun stop” Ten almost shrieks, desperate for the boy to stop.

 

“No, Ten, you need help.” Jaehyun looks at him with a furious expression. “Ten, you are sick. I can’t watch you like this! You have been hurting yourself, you need help!  Seonsaeng”

 

Ten tried to scream to block out Jaehyun’s plead to the teacher. However, it only made Jaehyun speak louder, cause a larger audience to watch the scene.

 

“Ten has been hiding his broken leg for months, pushing through performances because he thinks he deserves it, because he’s ILL . And he’s been intentionally hurting himself! He needs HELP!” Jaehyun repeats to the teacher, as Ten continues attempts to block out Jaehyun’s words.

 

As the teacher held Ten gently she began to examine him, “Is this true Ten?” tugging on his arm, Ten pulls away roughly, “No, it’s not true- I’m pe-perfectly fine..Don’t listen to him please”

 

“Then show me, Ten” the teacher demands, pulling on his arm again, now she held with a new level of strength, leaving Ten helpless in her grip. Pulling on his black long sleeve, she revealed his arm. Sloppily wrapped in a thin layer of sheer bandage his arm adulterated with countless streaks of red and purple, blotched with white liquid, many scars were open picked on refusing to let it heal as thin layers of skin were ripped away. Bruised from the depth of a blade, black and blue surrounded the scars. His arm was like a grim canvas of an eerie painting. “Oh god..”The teacher gasped as other students who starred turned away in disgust.  “All of you leave the room now!” the teacher screamed, as they all began to skuttle to the door. “You too Jaehyun!” A tsunami of mixed emotions overcome Jaehyun, thinking if this was a complete mistake.. But Ten was going to get help… It’s what he needed..

 

* * *

 

 

“After that Ten was hospitalized. For his leg and his mental health. I realized how much i changed his life, revealing everything right there. He-He probably hates me now. He hated me before, why wouldn’t he now? He was sent into damn psychiatric ward in Thailand, to be left with other relatives. But his relatives treated him like an animal because they thought his self mutilation was revolting, then I found out he came back to Korea when I had left for America. Turns out the students treated him like a psychopath and he was just another target to be toyed with. Damn it..I just made it worse for him, I ruined his life, Johnny.”

**Author's Note:**

> OK yeah this story unravels pretty slowly, but I hope you enjoyed reading <3 
> 
> Feedback would be great, but please be kind ; A ;  
> Have a great day ~
> 
> Twitter : @tensfruitphobia  
> Insta : @momo.shiii


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